If you are like me and love to walk a lot, you will come across London many masked performers, actors and musicians entertaining the crowds. For a moment i closed my eyes and start thinking about what would my life be like if I only had one mask to wear? 

I started to send love and admire these lovely people for putting the effort, the energy and the masks needed to making so many passers by smile, happy and enjoy their day, its remarkable  dont you think? 

Then my thoughts started to wonder, its not only in the streets one wears a mask, we do it in our day to day life the moment we wake up, we do it when we meet people, go to work, be with our partners, friends, family and with ourselves too.

Let me ask you something, have you ever seen someone disguise himself as an statue,  your favourite movie character, or as your favourite building? 

Take a moment in your day, go in front of a mirror, look at yourself in the eyes and ask yourself the question what mask am i wearing, what does it say about you and the world you live in ? 

SPOILER ALERT: The below is a shameless plug written out of love and respect - and is long overdue. 

If you had met me just a few years ago, you would have observed a very different person: a quiet, shy, reserved and nervous individual, unsure about himself, his opinions, his wants or his desires. Full of self-doubt, insecurities and fears, he struggled to be authentic around other people. He was unable to deeply connect to his friends, unable to express his love for the people in his life, and unable above all to love himself. Lost and confused, he had spent years jumping from city to city, from club to club, and from job to job in the search of some release, some hope and some fulfillment.



Nowadays, I am settled, grounded, happy and fulfilled. I Love (with a capital L) my work and my businesses, I have great friends to whom I am deeply connected  to and who support me in all my endeavors, and I have a fantastic loving relationship with my family. I am able to be my authentic self in all situations, and to express my true desires, wants and opinions. 

One person has had a huge impact on my transformation: my great friend, business partner and coach Tony Selimi. Here is our story:

HOW I MET TONY

When I met Tony, I had already began my journey. After a depressing few years, some little voice inside of me had guided me to finally settle down, and to start a work I could enjoy. I met Tony on the gym floor in 2010: he offered me a free healing in return for a PT session. Intrigued, I went along, with little expectations. 

Looking back on that first session, I remember how uncomfortable I felt. I felt prodded, nudged and gently wrestled into opening up and talking about myself, my feelings and my emotions. As a British passive aggressive introvert, it was my idea of hell. My ego kicked in with a vengeance: "Who was this man asking so many questions?" "Who did he think he was?" " How dare he make me feel so uncomfortable!" Part of me doubted and distrusted, another part of me was intrigued. But I knew deep down that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

Tony was patient, and gave me the space to slowly feel more and more comfortable. Although part of me was screaming to run away back to my comfort zone, at the end of our session I chose to accompany him to dinner. As we chatted about spirituality, our lives, our dreams and our desires, something in me clicked and I knew that my life was about to take a turn for the better. 

After agreeing to provide Tony with some Personal Training in return for more coaching and healing, I left feeling elated, as if something in me had shifted, some hope had returned. There was light at the end of the tunnel.


MY INITIAL RESISTANCE

I would be lying to you if I said that I had jumped head first into my new path. Even though I could catch a glimpse of where I was headed, a big part of me resisted the process. The concepts of energy, of manifestation, of law of attraction etc were all new to me. Years and years of belief in the physical world as the only reality held me back, and it would take me many months before I could fully release my doubts and trust what Tony was talking about.

At the same time, I still held on tightly to my old destructive habits, my old thought patterns, my old conditioning. For over a year, I went through many ups and downs: one day feeling elated and on top of the world, the other back to the grey gloom and doom. I caught a glimpse of the happiness and self-love Tony talked about, and then found myself doubting I had ever experienced it.

In hindsight, these cycles matched the times when I listened and nurtured my inner voice, my truth, and the times when I blocked it out, doubted myself, and forgot my heart. Time after time I returned to see Tony, and at every single session, I opened up a tiny bit more, learnt a bit more about myself, and felt a bit more hopeful.


STEP BY STEP

Little by little, with Tony’s constant, loving yet patient support and understanding I started to see clearer and clearer. I discovered a new awareness of myself, my thoughts and my emotions. I began to understand my past behaviors, my day-to-day feelings and my future desires. And I embarked on a journey of tremendous change that has not stopped since. 

The fog slowly started to lift and I saw my life with a whole new perspective. I was able to see how for years I had avoided looking deeper into myself, always scared of what was inside. I was able to see how I had blamed my lack of love on everyone else but myself: my family, my friends, my clients. And I was able to see how much better my life was when I trusted and followed my intuition.  

It wasn't always plain sailing, I made many mistakes and put myself into many difficult situations. However Tony always empowered me to turn the situations around, to gain learnings and insights from them, to forgive myself and to move on quickly.

In doing so, I started to trust my instincts, and built a new-found respect and esteem for myself, my desires and my choices. I re-discovered love for life, for those around me and for me - for Will. My resistance dropped, and I became eager to learn more and more about the healing and coaching process, about our minds, our energies, our emotions - and how they all interact.

And as my inner world changed, so did my outer world. I stopped my old destructive habits, and began to nurture the parts of my life that needed me. My business began to take off, I attracted new wonderful friends, and re-connected with my twin, my brothers and my parents. My life slowly began to fall into place.


TONY'S COACHING

The job of a good Coach is to allow you to come to your own conclusions, make your own decisions, and choose what is right for yourself. And that is exactly what Tony did. His greatest skill has been to help me believe and trust my instincts to achieve my potential. We are all born great, with unique gifts, talents and personalities - however many of us suppress our true selves and forget our dreams and desires. Drawing on his learnings from many avenues including his own life story, Tony empowered me to push my boundaries, transform my mind and release my inner self. 

Tony has a positive energy and a love for life and for others that is contagious. He is a loving, warm and kind man, and keen to help everyone he meets. He has inspired me in many ways to do the same: to inject love into everything I do, everything I see and everyone I meet. He has become one of my closest friends, a trusted companion and a fantastic business partner. 

However, if I were to name one of Tony’s top strengths, it would be his integrated and in-depth knowledge of both Coaching AND Healing. Through my own experience, I have realized how important they both are, in conjunction with one another. Any healing of the physical body is far more powerful when one can understand the root of the symptom in their subconscious, and make changes to their mindset through coaching. And coaching is far more powerful with the understanding of energy, vibrations and manifestation. 

Tony has been an avid learner for many years, and has done all kind of certifications (each with different initials and abbreviations !). Rather than sticking to one particular school of thought, he happily uses the best bits of each one, and tailors his approach depending on the situation. This integration of the mind and spirit has really opened up my eyes to the world around us, and has helped me transform the way I see my business, my training and my relationships. 

Of course, it goes without saying that I would wholeheartedly recommend Tony to anyone. I truly believe that everyone could benefit from a bit of coaching and healing, and that the world would be a better place if we all applied just 10% of what Tony can teach. 


START YOUR OWN JOURNEY

For me, Tony has been a fantastic catalyst for change, a great influence in my life, and an astounding friend. Thanks to him I have learnt to love, be loved, to express myself, and to reach for the stars. I have kickstarted an incredible transformation and have found my true self. I feel authentic, fulfilled and content - and so very excited about what the future will bring.

Looking into yourself and committing to your own personal growth is best thing you could ever do. Yes it will require some work. Yes it may be uncomfortable at times. And yes you may have many layers and issues to unravel. But the long-term reward you will get is immense, immeasurable, and most likely impossible to even imagine.

Happiness and fulfillment is inside of you. It may have been locked up by fears, doubts and insecurities - but it is within your grasp. I dare you to go find it. 

Will Pike - 30 January 2013

At one time in my life, I had some real challenges with taking action, this was before i was made redundant in 2009, times when the down turn in the economy happened and i like many of you out there was feeling the heat, the pressure, the stress and the need to perform more and more tasks at shorter periods of time. Let me ask you the this question, do you see yourself in this picture? And, like you probably have, I spent a lot of time looking for different tools, methods, and systems for helping me overcome those challenges. Then one day I stumbled across an article that described a simple action-taking system called ‘timeboxing.’

Almost immediately, I knew I had found the solution that I was looking for, because not only was timeboxing easy to understand and use, but it totally eliminated the two obstacles to taking action that we just talked about.

Let me share with you how it works, and you can figure out whether you agree with me or not…

1. Write down all the things you want to get done for the day: Everything from writing, creating content, or planning your next project to answering your email and balancing your checkbook.
2. Assign a specific time to each task: Anything from 15 minutes to 4 hours.
3. Select a task, start a timer (like an egg time), and focus on nothing but accomplishing that task: This means you don’t answer the phone, you don’t get up for a drink, you don’t log onto Facebook – none of that. You remain focused on the task-at-hand!

In other words, each action you need to take during the day represents a small ‘block’ of that day (a box, if you will). You determine how big of a box it is by how much time you set aside to accomplish it (a single day can consist of anything from just a few, to a dozen boxes). When you’re ready to take action, select a box, start a timer, and get to work!

That is timeboxing!

How does timeboxing eliminate the two obstacles to taking action that we talked about a minute ago? Here’s how:

• It Creates Clarity - Creating a simple, but clear list of things you need to do (getting it out of your head) gives order and stucture to what you need to do – it gives your brain the clarity it needs in order to feel compelled to take massive action
• It Uses Time As A Strong Motivating Force - Assigning each task a specific time and using a countdown timer to work on that task within that timeframe has the same motivating effect as you would experience trying to meet any other time-based deadline – meeting the deadline is compelling, and your brain sees it as a strong reason WHY you should act!

See, I told you it was simple, and that the name fit! 

If you practice these three simple steps regularly, it will totally revolutionize the way you get things done in your life - guaranteed!

As I began using timeboxing regularly, my science and engineering brain kicked in, and I began to see how a my integrated coaching and Reiki would enhance its effectiveness and ease of-use even further.

How?

• By Eliminating The Grunt Work - Helping you Create lists of actions, assign time, prioritizing them, tracking which ones you’ve completed, and remembering which ones you need to do regularly are all things that can be handled more efficiently when obstacles occur that i can help you with
• By Giving You Visual Tools To Help You Get A Crystal-Clear Picture Of Your Day - Humans are visual creatures. The clearer we can see something, the more we feel like we can control it. When it comes to planning your day, the clearer you can visualize what you need to do, and how much time it’s going to take, the more easily you can manage it and believe that it can be done! My visual coaching hour does exactly that, help you connect through your third eye and create and maintain vision.
• By Helping You Track How And Where You’re Spending Your Time - One of the most important skills you can have when it comes to getting things done is awareness – knowing exactly how and where you’re spending your time. After all, how can you manage something (like your time) if you aren’t aware of how you’re using it? Once again, working with your Coach makes doing this a breeze!

To see how my integrated coaching can help you in this journey feel free to visitwww.thevelvetjourney.com/coaching

©Tony J Selimi

It’s December nearly the end of the 2012, let me ask you a question, what are you going to say goodbye this year to?

I know many people get busy with Christmas and preparing for the holidays but for me not only is December a time for completing projects before Christmas and the New Year,  but its also an opportunity to celebrate my birthday, slow down, take stock and take time to renew my energy and creativity.

2012 is the most important event in Earth’s history, but it is not well understood, even by those who claim prophetic visions of the future. We do know that a great planetary Shift in consciousness has been forecast by numerous sources throughout history, including tribes with long histories on the planet such as the Mayans, the Hopi, Lakota, Inuit, and the Maori. Often, the prophecies predict cataclysmic changes on Earth caused by drastic changes in weather, geomagnetic pole shifts, or massive earthquakes.

The Mayan prophecies are most quoted. According to Carlos Barrios, a student of the Mayan prophecies, the Fourth World finished on 16th August, 1987, the day of the Harmonic Convergence. At that point, the world entered a time of major transition, with the possibility of environmental destruction, social chaos, war, and on-going Earth changes. This period of instability and transition will continue until December 21, 2012, which begins the Fifth World, a new era of harmony and love.

With that in mind, it is also all about preparing myself for planning and creating 2013, take a moment right now and think about four most important questions:

1. What do you need to let go in 2012?

2. What experience do you have to achieve what you are set to do in 2013?

3. In what areas of your life do you need to grow

4. what is your contribution you want to make in 2013 to the world and the planet?

Of course, in my busy time there is time for fun too, so don’t forget that too. Currently I’m in a mad rush to finish my current projects with HealOneSelf and The Velvet Journey, spend time to think about the book I want to write and complete my tax returns. 

 One of the principles that I follow in my day to day life is to clear a space before creating something new. This works on a physical/ four-dimensional level but also on a temporal level, clearing the past so you can focus on the future. 

Many people create New Year’s resolutions and plans in January but because they haven’t dealt effectively with their past habits they have difficulty sticking to those resolutions. Taking some time to reflect on what worked and what didn’t  work during the year, will help you more powerfully plan for a great 2013.

Here is a great exercise for clearing the past and creating the right head space for planning 2013.  Spend at least 10 minutes answering these questions in a notebook or journal

• What have been your achievements up until now?
• What have been the disappointments or regrets?
• What did you not do that you had intended to do?
• What are you proud of from the year?
• What goals will you carry over into 2013 and what will you drop or rethink?
• Who can you forgive?
• What can you forgive yourself for?
• What are you grateful for?
• What was the theme of 2013 for you?
• What did you learn from the 2013?
• Is there anything you can complete before end of 2012 that would make a difference to your life?  If so complete it

If we look at 2012 in context, at the beginning of the year we thought we would be facing once economic meltdown.  Most people’s concerns were in surviving and making it through. Although this year’s London Olympics brought hope to many despite the fact many people lost their jobs, many worried about losing their jobs, there was hope in the air, newspapers were at it, TV, social media, and any other form of communication we have out there were all talking about the London Olympics.  Overall we are in a much better position than we were 12 months ago, we have come through the worse and there is more of a glimmer of hope on the horizon. So even if times have been hard, in the grand scheme of things the world is in a better position than it was 12 months ago.

That at least is something to be grateful for, make a start by adopting “Gratitude is my attitude”.

And there is just one thing to do CELEBRATE!

©Tony J Selimi, HealOneSelf, December 2012

The year is almost over, its December time of the year when we will say goodbye to 2012 in just a few weeks, and welcome another year Ready for the Gateways? It is a busy month full of Christmas parties, family get together, celebrations and also great time to reflect on the past year and plan for the next, well let me ask you a question, how much did you grow this year?

You may have felt that 2012 is not your year. Sure, you still have your job, a family, friends, but in the back of your mind, you think that there is something you’re missing. You feel that there is something that needs to develop in you.

Personal development or personal growth can mean a lot of things. It can include activities that make you more self-aware, or being able to live to your full potential and your own design.

Embarking on a journey of personal growth is not easy, and it never ends. There is always something that will distract you, and there is always something that you need to learn. You don’t need to be afraid of growing. The great thing about personal growth is that it’s focus is you. You don’t need to look at how others do it, you simply need to look inside yourself, see the things that need to change, and do something to make that change.

I am setting intention as we start this month to Raise the B. A. R. (Believe Achieve Receive) Factor in all areas of my.

If you are not sure how you can do this, here are Top 12 Tips for Personal Growth I take to Raise the B.A.R.

1       Raise Your B.A.R. Standards

If you feel like your life is in a rut, it’s time to stop being contented with where you are now. Mediocrity is not included in personal growth. Know what you want, and keep working towards that goal. If you want that promotion, then do better work than you did before. You may have to sacrifice a bit of your time, but it will be worth it in the end.

2       Positive Mental Attitude (PMA)

There may be times in your journey in life that you will fail. You don’t need to be negative about it. See the silver lining in any situation, and turn those stumbling blocks of failure into stepping stones to success, adopt PMA as your daily mantra.

3       VisualizeVisualize  IT

In order to have, do or be anything you must first be able to SEE it as a possibility – two years ago I was in Florida and was speaking in to my vision of a world as a Master Haler and Life Coach where I can make a difference, running my own companies and work with a close friends who believed in this vision. A vision where we believe and acknowledge that we ARE each other, a world where we can look deeply into each other’s eyes and hearts and EMBRACE Acceptance and Unconditional Love because we have awakened.

4 Voice IT

Once you BELIEVE you must set the vision into ACTION by pairing it with your creative power – the power of the WORD – all religions and spiritual traditions around the world agree that SOUND is a creative force – the bible begins with the phrase “In the Beginning was the WORD” VOICING what it is we want – using words and other forms of creative expression such as art, dance, song, performance, poetry, making music, writing will start to CRYSTALLIZE the Message that you are transmitting from your inner world into the outer.

5 Value IT

This is where you have to invest – money, time, energy, breath, life force, commitment, faith, trust into your belief. It is also here where I think most people get STUCK because part of VALUING what you want is ALLOWING YOURSELF to actually HAVE it! Which means that you have to ALSO VALUE YOURSELF and BELIEVE that you are able to ACHIEVE AND RECEIVE!

6 Know You

You know that quote “if you don’t stand for anything, you’ll fall for anything”? Keep this in mind. Know what you value, and stand up for them. Don’t give in to pressure and just trust and believe in yourself.

7 Invest in you

The worst place to be is at equilibrium. There is no such thing, when you stop growing you die. Try to learn something new, like a meditation practice, yoga, new habit (if you don’t know how to cook, this may be the time to take lessons!), or maybe a new language, or Latin dancing! It doesn’t matter what you try, just remember to have fun!

The next year can be your best year yet if you just take the time to grow. Start on your journey today and get ready for a great year to come!

In case you didn’t notice the major energy centers associated with this process are the 7 Chakras crown (mental)   third eye (vision) the throat (voice), the heart (value), solar plexus (You), sacral (creativity, feelings), and root Chakra (trust in you).

One final piece of advice and guidance – have a relationship with your ROOTS-MOTHER (the Earth) and ground yourself in to her core so that you can activate her magnetic power and align yourself to her massive and generous capacity to attract and create abundance.

What is your intention for this EPIC month?

Want to prepare yourself for a fantastic 2013? Start now by signing up for the
Maximize Your Life Coaching Package or our Oneness Body, Mind and Spirit package we offer: Breakthrough to Your Greatest Health, Wealth and Happiness, a Yearly program to assist you in shifting your life, removing those stubborn blocks that may be holding you back from the beautiful experience of Magnificent YOU.  PLUS You’ll receive some terrific bonuses worth over £400 for FREE when you pay in advance, for more information please e-mail:[email protected]

In peace and prosperity,

Tony J Selimi © HealOneSelf, December 2012

Amazing positive shifts and changes are happening around the planet.

If one is lacking self-Love as a man, what does it then take to overcome these challenges in life? And how do addictions come into play as a way of coping with life for some men?

We need to look no further, Obama is the first president winning both the popular and electoral vote majorities and to sign a pro-LGBT bill. The first president to speak out in support of the freedom to marry, and the president who made open service in USA armed forces for gays and lesbians possible, LGBT Americans have won a major victory and with that a strong message was sent to the entire world.

It is a fact and scientifically proven that empowered individuals that are in touch with their deepest self, their inner feelings and their true love operate at much higher vibrational levels. Individuals who are at this level have the capability to shift from “Love of Power” to “Power of Love”. Obama, the USA re-elected a president is one of the kind of individuals I am talking about. The first president that endorsed gay marriage, a man who knows we are all love, we are all one, a man who used the Power of Love to make all of it to happen.

This is a giant leap for humanity, a strong message that we are all Love was sent to the entire world. It is a stepping stone towards creating a world that is free from limited beliefs, free from judgement, and is accepting for all mankind.

We are love by default, we just need to remember it, and how do we do this, well I have been on this journey from the moment I was born and the more I feel present right not the more I Love.

For me living a wonderful life is about staying open through the changes and the difficult times. It is about keeping going and consistently sticking to my goals knowing that I am growing as I do so.

Beliefs about Love can hinder our own well being as well to those around us. The above would have not been possible if Obama did not belief in equality, in love for all mankind, etc.  It is essential to understand ourselves at deeper level, explore the deep hurts that we are unable to let go, release and learn to accept those who hurt you and those you hurt.

When we connect with our hearts and we expand our sense of freedom, trust and joy. We start to radiate our understanding and knowing of Love, we are opening the way to becoming what we already are: Love

Coming from a much closed minded community, for many years i lived in fear, I lacked the courage, and the self-belief needed to love myself resulting in a single life that had its upsides but was ultimately very lonely for long periods of time. This went on for many years until at a defining moment, when I found the strength to take life back in my own hands. I did something about it when the status quo became just too painful. I engaged in a wide variety of self-development programs and courses to develop my skills, confidence and healing my own life, I took the plunge and this is what I did:

• I find out the BIG WHAT that was holding me back from being me
• Become comfortable and confident in who I am as a man
• Took small daily actions to unleash my potential
• Became clear about my limited beliefs and took actions to find new ones
• Learn the most effective tools to self-love, acceptance and opening my heart

Now I thrive in all areas of my life as i guide men into becoming confident men too.

Through my personal journey of letting go of the deep hurts I found Love for myself, I started to speak my truth about Love and able to see the Love in others and receive it too. The question i have for you is, how much has deep hurt cost you so far?

I entered a journey of experience being love in profound new ways, I went through a four-step process acceptance, identify, mobilize, and release the painful memories and life-damaging beliefs that are at the root of many emotional and physical health problems. The fourth steps helped me opening my heart to true love flowing into me.

If you too relate to the above, are experiencing lacks of self-love and are at stage of your life where you want to take life back into your own hands, than the new and very unique Love2Loveworkshop held on the 1st of December is the one to help you unleash the authentic man within. Only number of tickets available, Book yours now, click HERE!

If you’ve worked with me either on healing, coaching or attended one of my workshops, you know that I am a big proponent of managing negative self-talk.

So far working with hundreds of clients tackling self-love, depression, anxiety, sexuality, sexual frustrations and dissatisfaction, bad relationship with food, feelings, anger, insomnia, back pain, high blood pressure, addictions, money issues, job, relationship, panic attacks, migraines, the list goes on… one of the main root cause of these issues is the negative self-belief that is deeply rooted in their conscious and subconscious mind.

Did you know that on daily basis we think on average 70,000 thoughts, we each “speak” to ourselves, providing feedback on how we’re doing.  The NEGATIVE feedback tends to dominate ones day to day living. As a result, one ends up feeling worse, ones self-esteem diminishes – and one ends up in a rut.

Over the years I have helped many clients shift their thoughts, helped create personal affirmations and taught them simple to use tools to help them manage and change their “Self-Talk,” in doing so they can both elevate their level of self-esteem and empower their lives to attract rich relationships, abundance, fulfilment, happiness and all of the other things we all want in our lives.

My years of experience in the Information Technology (IT) I saw over and over again virus infected systems and networks and until the network was cleaned up and virus protected nothing was working, the business would loose £££ and would have a negative impact on the customers  too.

Just the way we can reprogram or upgrade a PC, we can to REPROGRAM our minds to enjoy greater happiness, wealth, confidence, love, success, health – and more.

ALL just by changing what we say to ourselves.

Be Yourself, Change Your World Workshop on the 3rd of November shows you the precise steps you need to follow to change your own Self-Talk.

It’s an amazing workshop, and I highly encourage you to check it out:

http://bit.ly/VwxuUl

After all, isn’t it time you successfully managed Your Life and took the first steps.

Love, Joy, Peace

Tony J Selimi

© Transformational Life Coach, Reiki Master and Energy Healer

The answer to that question will reveal in you ever, achieve the success, the life, the peace you’re, looking for or not.

The funny thing is though, you can’t answer it with words.Nope.  Words don’t cut it. That’s not how this question gets answered.  This question ONLY gets answered by the sheer DEFEAT and FEAR you suffer, and observing what happens immediately after that.

Sure, you may fall down a while. You may need to lick your wounds. You may need to take a breather. But will it STOP YOU?

Will that defeat and fear stop you?  Will that challenge stop you?  Will that problem stop you? Will that obstacle stop you? 

This is the single most important answer you’ll ever discover to creating the success you’re looking for in life.

There’s not one more profitable skill you can develop then that of overcoming FEAR and becoming UNSTOPPABLE!

And I do literally mean becoming UNSTOPPABLE.  As in… nothing will ever stop you. As in, you will need to DIE before you stop. As in… you make the TERMINATOR look like a wussy. 

That’s the kind of Unstoppable I’m talking about, letting go the Fear that holds you back and help you reach that place within yourself…

… I’m not kidding you.  You’ll crush anything you do.  You will shock yourself with the results you produce.

You will OVER ACHIEVE your personal goals… and then immediately set ones 10x bigger.

You will make money effortlessly, and the goal will then never be about making money again (because it’s so easy), and now the goals will be about IMPACT you actually create in the world.

All of this… comes as a result of letting go FEAR and being Unstoppable.

And our “Fear2Freedom” workshop that will help you become Unstoppable is happening October 13th. 
If you want to let go your Fear and become an UNSTOPPABLE , then don’t be stopped in attending this transformational workshop.

Click to Choose Freedom!

Make the first choice towards creating a life more powerful than you’ve ever lived before… and it will really begin once you’re here.

©Tony J Selimi

Transformational Life Coach, Reiki Master and Chakra Healer

How does one argue with love, is there such a way to argue with someone?

I come across situations like this in my everyday life, one rightly so has the right to express their thoughts and feelings about something they truly believe is the right or the wrong thing. Where does this need to be right, to be heard, to argue etc comes from?

I notice it in my own thoughts, with people I love, with people I work with, family, friends, clients, socially, it seems to be all around us.

This inspiration to write this article came to me after an interesting conversation with my business partners and after a birthday dinner of a very close friend of mine during which some intense arguments started by simply one statement being made by a person on the table.

What happened is that after we all left, with two of my good friends that were staying with me we took a walk to Pimlico.  I and another good friend of mine continued this conversation, whilst our third friend remained silent all the way.

At some point I was curious to why he has not said anything, and asked him his thoughts about our conversation and the evening? His answer was that he found it difficult to have a voice when two people argue their points about something….

If you are like me and my friend Leon you most likely are so used to this style of communication and you don’t take it to heart when we agree to disagree, we grew up in a culture where everyone can talk at the same time and we still understand each other and don’t find it rude.

In my experience most people don’t like to fight or argue, and with good reason too, it can leave you with some very powerful negative emotions, such as hate and anger.

The simple truth is that we are all going to end up having fights and arguments throughout our lives. To think otherwise would be self-delusional!

My advice is that it makes more sense to be prepared for it rather than to pretend it’s never going to happen.

I don’t mean that you should always anticipating a fight and be thinking about your tactics. That would be attracting it into your life, and that’s not a good thing.

What I do mean is, having a strategy so that it can help you reduce or eliminate the negative emotions that often result from the fight, debate and arguing.

Here are 4 steps that will help you do that:

1. Respect yourself; this will help you respect the other person’s opinion.

Keep in mind that the other person’s opinion is very important to them. It’s not something that they are going to give up just because you disagree with it.

By doing this it will help you to remain less emotional and more rational. And that’s a big key to eliminating the negative emotions that come from fighting, arguing and debating.

2. The other person is always right!

This tends to help your state of being, if you can take that position from the onset of any disagreement, then you’ll be able to understand why they have a different opinion to you.

Put yourself in their shoes for just a few minutes and really try and learn why they think that way, instead of using your perceptual filters and being judgmental, be curious.

You don’t have to agree with them; although you have a choice to understand why they think that way, it will keep the emotions a lot lower.

A word of caution here – Don’t just listen to them and then tell them why they are wrong, one can learn a lot if you truly try to understand why they might be right.

It will create an enormous amount of respect from them, for you. And that’s going to help a lot when you put your thoughts forward.

3. Don’t accept abusive or disrespectful language, you always have a choice to walk away

This goes both ways, you shouldn’t use it and you shouldn’t accept it from them.

If you feel you are getting too emotional, then let the other person know and ask them if it’s ok to finish the conversation a little later.

That gives you time to calm down and think rationally about the argument.

If they get abusive or disrespectful, explain to them that the agreement is too emotional and you’d like to continue it when they have calmed down.

4. Open your heart and send love energy to the people or the person you are having a disagreement or agreement, love is infectious

Whilst at times it can be difficult to love someone through and argument, the question I have for you is what feels better to love, or to judge and hate? Love energy always has a higher vibration, it is better for our own wellbeing as well as people we love or we work with.

Keep sending them love, smiles, I often experience through my clients how their ego gets smaller and the love takes over and we end up with a hug, a smile and feeling great about clearing the resistance that we ourselves create.

PLEASE NOTE: These tips are for dealing with most normal arguments. If you are in a physically abusive situation, then seek professional help right now, before any more arguments take place.

There is really no excuse for verbal abuse, and certainly there isn’t any excuse for physical abuse.

If you change the way you think about something, the thing you are thinking changes! We are all energy being that come from the same source that created us all, love one another.

Whats your strategy, send me your comments. To learn how to understand the difference it makes when you communicate with confidence and love, join me on the 20th October I am running a powerful workshop.

In Peace, Empowerment and Prosperity

©Tony J Selimi

I recently was asked to support the London branch of Morgan McKinley for their Wellbeing week, and spent the day at their office assessing their staff and talking to them about the Sitting Syndrome. It was quite astonishing the little people knew about how their everyday posture and activities were affecting their bodies.

Our bodies are one amazing piece of machinery, full of pistons, levers, engines, structures and mechanisms that are designed to work in unison to do one thing: move. However, in the past half a century, with the rise of the service industry, our society has become increasingly sedentary, and people now spend 8 to 12 hours a day in a sitting position: at work, on public transport, and at home.

And this has a huge effect on our bodies. Below are a list of the most common symptoms, and some quick ways to assess yourself.

1. HUNCHED UPPER BODY
It is very common for desk workers to sit in a hunched position in front of the computer. It takes only 15mins for a muscle to start to shorten. So you can just imagine how tight your muscles get over the years! Most people that I assess have tightness in the upper chest and shoulders, in the biceps and forearms, and in the neck muscles. These cause people’s shoulders to hunch forward and their upper spine to round, leaving the muscles in the upper back overstretched and weak. This rounded posture has a name: the “Upper Cross Syndrome”.

Tightness around the neck, back and shoulders can lead to Repetitive Strain Injuries in the wrists and arms, or even shoulder or neck pains. To quickly assess your own posture: stand against a wall, with your feet together, and heels, buttocks, upper back and head touching the wall. Take a few deep breaths and relax. Ask a colleague to look at your alignment: the top of your shoulders should be in line with your earlobes and your shoulders should be at the same height.

2. WEAK CORE/TIGHT LOWER BACK
In a sitting position, our bodies are supported in a relaxed position; therefore the core muscles that are designed to support it become underactive and weak. Many people associate the 6-pack muscles with Core, however they are only a superficial muscle. Our bodies contain 4 layers of abdominal muscles, the most important of which is the deep Tranversus Abdominus (TA), a sheet of muscle going around the spine and organs, acting as a protective corset to support them during movement. However, through years of inactivity, many people have a weak TA muscle, poor core coordination, and an overactive and tight lower back.

To learn to engage your TA muscle: lie on your back with your knees bent at 90 degrees and feet on the floor. Inhale and push your belly button out, then exhale and draw your belly button in as far as you can, while keeping your lower back flat on the floor. Hold the bottom position for 10s, and then relax. Repeat the exercise 10 times each time. You may need to hold your breath at first, but with practice you will be able to breathe and add movement to the exercise. You will also be able to engage the TA muscles while exercising, walking or sitting at your desk.

3. WEAK GLUTES
Being sat down on our butts all day does have dire consequences for said butts. Indeed our bum muscles (glutes) are held in an overstretched position. Over time, this leads to weakness in the muscle, a lack of control, and in some case complete lack of activity.

Now, the glutes are very important: they are the biggest and strongest muscle in our bodies, and are designed to power our movements, protect our lower back, and to stabilize our trunk and leg muscles. They also assist the muscles of the upper thigh to absorb any impact on the knees. Poor glute strength can therefore be a huge cause of weakness and lack of stability in the knees.

To find out if your glutes are working correctly: lie on your back, with your knees bent at 90 degrees, your feet flat on the floor and your knees in line with your hips. Then lift your hips off the floor 15 times. Allow your body to use whichever muscles it wants. After a few reps check which muscles are working. If your glutes are firing correctly, you should feel them activating automatically. However for many people, the lower back or hamstrings will do all or most of the lifting. And even if your glutes are working, they probably still need strengthening. We all do.

4. TIGHT HIPS
In a sitting position, the muscles in the front of your thighs, ie. Quadriceps, Hip flexors, and IT bands (running down the side of your thighs from hip to knee) get very tight. Most people’s hips are in fact screamingly tight, from lack of activity, and from being placed day after day in an unnatural and cramped position.

To assess your hip flexibility: lie on your back with both legs straight. Pick up your right knee and pull it with both hands into your chest. If your extended leg pops up as your bent knee approaches your chest, you have tight hip flexors.

5. EXCESSIVE LOWER BACK CURVE
Through a combination of the above points many people develop what is called the “Lower Cross Syndrome”. Indeed, tight muscles in the lower back start pulling the back of the pelvis up, while tight hips pull the front of the pelvis down, leading to an anterior pelvic tilt and an excessive lower back curve.

An easy way to assess the curve in your lower back is to return to the postural assessment against the wall described in point 1., then to check how much space there is between your lower back and the wall. There should be just enough space to place your hand. If the space is wider, you have an excessive curve in the lower spine, most likely due to a combination of tight and weak muscles around the area.

To correct this, stretch your hips and lower back as often as you can, and strengthen your core and glute muscles. You can also do the following exercise daily: lie on your back, with your knees bent at 90 degrees, your feet flat on the floor and your knees in line with your hips. Tilt your pelvis forwards so that your lower back is pressed into the floor. Teach your body to hold that position for 2mins. Once you can do that easily, add some knee raises by bringing your knees (still bent at 90 degrees) into your chest, separately at first and then both knees at once when you are strong enough. Your main focus should remain your lower back: if you are unable to do the exercise without curving the lower back, regress to an easier version.

Regardless of how much you train, you must be aware of the effects of too much sitting. And regardless of your training goal, part of exercising should be to correct any tightness or weaknesses mentioned in the above paragraphs. Developing an awareness of the way you sit (and how much) are the first steps towards avoiding any injury or strain. Understanding that we are designed to move will lead to a healthy and active lifestyle. So get moving!

Will Pike – September 2012