The year is almost over, its December time of the year when we will say goodbye to 2012 in just a few weeks, and welcome another year Ready for the Gateways? It is a busy month full of Christmas parties, family get together, celebrations and also great time to reflect on the past year and plan for the next, well let me ask you a question, how much did you grow this year?

You may have felt that 2012 is not your year. Sure, you still have your job, a family, friends, but in the back of your mind, you think that there is something you’re missing. You feel that there is something that needs to develop in you.

Personal development or personal growth can mean a lot of things. It can include activities that make you more self-aware, or being able to live to your full potential and your own design.

Embarking on a journey of personal growth is not easy, and it never ends. There is always something that will distract you, and there is always something that you need to learn. You don’t need to be afraid of growing. The great thing about personal growth is that it’s focus is you. You don’t need to look at how others do it, you simply need to look inside yourself, see the things that need to change, and do something to make that change.

I am setting intention as we start this month to Raise the B. A. R. (Believe Achieve Receive) Factor in all areas of my.

If you are not sure how you can do this, here are Top 12 Tips for Personal Growth I take to Raise the B.A.R.

1       Raise Your B.A.R. Standards

If you feel like your life is in a rut, it’s time to stop being contented with where you are now. Mediocrity is not included in personal growth. Know what you want, and keep working towards that goal. If you want that promotion, then do better work than you did before. You may have to sacrifice a bit of your time, but it will be worth it in the end.

2       Positive Mental Attitude (PMA)

There may be times in your journey in life that you will fail. You don’t need to be negative about it. See the silver lining in any situation, and turn those stumbling blocks of failure into stepping stones to success, adopt PMA as your daily mantra.

3       VisualizeVisualize  IT

In order to have, do or be anything you must first be able to SEE it as a possibility – two years ago I was in Florida and was speaking in to my vision of a world as a Master Haler and Life Coach where I can make a difference, running my own companies and work with a close friends who believed in this vision. A vision where we believe and acknowledge that we ARE each other, a world where we can look deeply into each other’s eyes and hearts and EMBRACE Acceptance and Unconditional Love because we have awakened.

4 Voice IT

Once you BELIEVE you must set the vision into ACTION by pairing it with your creative power – the power of the WORD – all religions and spiritual traditions around the world agree that SOUND is a creative force – the bible begins with the phrase “In the Beginning was the WORD” VOICING what it is we want – using words and other forms of creative expression such as art, dance, song, performance, poetry, making music, writing will start to CRYSTALLIZE the Message that you are transmitting from your inner world into the outer.

5 Value IT

This is where you have to invest – money, time, energy, breath, life force, commitment, faith, trust into your belief. It is also here where I think most people get STUCK because part of VALUING what you want is ALLOWING YOURSELF to actually HAVE it! Which means that you have to ALSO VALUE YOURSELF and BELIEVE that you are able to ACHIEVE AND RECEIVE!

6 Know You

You know that quote “if you don’t stand for anything, you’ll fall for anything”? Keep this in mind. Know what you value, and stand up for them. Don’t give in to pressure and just trust and believe in yourself.

7 Invest in you

The worst place to be is at equilibrium. There is no such thing, when you stop growing you die. Try to learn something new, like a meditation practice, yoga, new habit (if you don’t know how to cook, this may be the time to take lessons!), or maybe a new language, or Latin dancing! It doesn’t matter what you try, just remember to have fun!

The next year can be your best year yet if you just take the time to grow. Start on your journey today and get ready for a great year to come!

In case you didn’t notice the major energy centers associated with this process are the 7 Chakras crown (mental)   third eye (vision) the throat (voice), the heart (value), solar plexus (You), sacral (creativity, feelings), and root Chakra (trust in you).

One final piece of advice and guidance – have a relationship with your ROOTS-MOTHER (the Earth) and ground yourself in to her core so that you can activate her magnetic power and align yourself to her massive and generous capacity to attract and create abundance.

What is your intention for this EPIC month?

Want to prepare yourself for a fantastic 2013? Start now by signing up for the
Maximize Your Life Coaching Package or our Oneness Body, Mind and Spirit package we offer: Breakthrough to Your Greatest Health, Wealth and Happiness, a Yearly program to assist you in shifting your life, removing those stubborn blocks that may be holding you back from the beautiful experience of Magnificent YOU.  PLUS You’ll receive some terrific bonuses worth over £400 for FREE when you pay in advance, for more information please e-mail:[email protected]

In peace and prosperity,

Tony J Selimi © HealOneSelf, December 2012

When it comes to traveling, I am lucky enough to have done my fair share. By the age of 24, I had lived in Buenos Aires, the Falklands, Salamanca, Barcelona, Bath and Manchester and spent time in South America and Africa. These trips were hugely formative and I am so grateful for having had the opportunity to do so (and especially for my parents bank account for the occasional top-up). However my recent trip to Vietnam and Cambodia, during which I cycled 500km for Parkinson’s UK, was an entirely new type of experience and adventure, which opened my eyes in many ways.

Of course, there were many highlights to the trip: the fantastic scenery, the amazing food, the cycling, the sunshine, etc. But what really made it was the people. The people we travelled with, but also the people we met along the way. 

Our group was composed of over 30 individuals ranging between 20 and 66 years old. Over the 12 day trip, I got to spend time with each and every one of them, from the cycling to the water stops via the dinners and sightseeing tours. A mini social experiment of sorts, in which I learnt a lot about myself, others and the human ability to connect.

I realized half way through our trip that I hadn’t been in similar social conditions since high school or university: a group of strangers coming together to spend every waking second in each others company. And what a group it was. A bunch of extremely positive, upbeat, happy people that were brought together with the common objective of giving their time, money and energy to help others. Each and every person had a different background, a different story, and a different reason for engaging in the adventure. Old, young, female, male, gay, straight, etc. All of us came together as a unit and formed great bonds throughout the trip.

Over the first few days, we slowly began to meet each other, and started to connect between ourselves. People started to open up, to share their experiences, backgrounds and opinions with the group. Throughout the 12 days, we discovered more and more about every single person, our personalities, behaviors and perceptions.

I quickly learnt to lose any expectation or judgement about anyone. When we meet someone, we instantly form a script, a picture and an idea of what that person is like, about their life and who they are. However every single person on the trip blew me away. People surprised me in many ways, and I learnt that each individual is special in their own unique way. As one person wrote upon his return to the UK: “Thank You to all of you for rejuvenating my belief in humankind.. You are all outstanding people.”

However the human connections we developed were not simply between ourselves. Through our cycling, we met hundreds if not thousands of people along the way. Children gathered at the sides of the roads, screaming Hello, shouting and smiling at us passing by. Their parents by their sides would smile, beaming genuine love and interest. Many people stopped to take pictures of the people, the children, and to interact with them, despite everyones limited knowledge of the others’ language. 

Simply by making eye contact, smiling and saying hello, we were able to connect with other human beings along the way. We were able to feel a bond, a connection, a similar human spirit. And we were able to send and receive genuine love without using words.

I strongly believe that everyone of us is dying to connect with others. When we walk on the street, all of us have the urge to reach out to those around us. It is natural. It is what we are designed to do. However in our society and our big city lives we have forgotten this. How many of us look at the ground, avoid the gaze of others as much as possible? When was the last time you met anyone on the tube? People are lacking that feeling of connectedness and love. A simple smile and eye contact is enough to change that. 

This trip has opened my eyes in many ways. I have understood how easy it is to connect with others once you release any expectation or pre-conceived opinions on people. I have realized how important it is to me to connect with everyone I meet, and to allow all kinds of people into my life. I have reinforced my belief that everyone is special, and has something unique and wonderful to offer the world. And above all, I have discovered the importance of a smile, the importance of making eye contact, and the importance of saying hello.

Will Pike – November 2012

Amazing positive shifts and changes are happening around the planet.

If one is lacking self-Love as a man, what does it then take to overcome these challenges in life? And how do addictions come into play as a way of coping with life for some men?

We need to look no further, Obama is the first president winning both the popular and electoral vote majorities and to sign a pro-LGBT bill. The first president to speak out in support of the freedom to marry, and the president who made open service in USA armed forces for gays and lesbians possible, LGBT Americans have won a major victory and with that a strong message was sent to the entire world.

It is a fact and scientifically proven that empowered individuals that are in touch with their deepest self, their inner feelings and their true love operate at much higher vibrational levels. Individuals who are at this level have the capability to shift from “Love of Power” to “Power of Love”. Obama, the USA re-elected a president is one of the kind of individuals I am talking about. The first president that endorsed gay marriage, a man who knows we are all love, we are all one, a man who used the Power of Love to make all of it to happen.

This is a giant leap for humanity, a strong message that we are all Love was sent to the entire world. It is a stepping stone towards creating a world that is free from limited beliefs, free from judgement, and is accepting for all mankind.

We are love by default, we just need to remember it, and how do we do this, well I have been on this journey from the moment I was born and the more I feel present right not the more I Love.

For me living a wonderful life is about staying open through the changes and the difficult times. It is about keeping going and consistently sticking to my goals knowing that I am growing as I do so.

Beliefs about Love can hinder our own well being as well to those around us. The above would have not been possible if Obama did not belief in equality, in love for all mankind, etc.  It is essential to understand ourselves at deeper level, explore the deep hurts that we are unable to let go, release and learn to accept those who hurt you and those you hurt.

When we connect with our hearts and we expand our sense of freedom, trust and joy. We start to radiate our understanding and knowing of Love, we are opening the way to becoming what we already are: Love

Coming from a much closed minded community, for many years i lived in fear, I lacked the courage, and the self-belief needed to love myself resulting in a single life that had its upsides but was ultimately very lonely for long periods of time. This went on for many years until at a defining moment, when I found the strength to take life back in my own hands. I did something about it when the status quo became just too painful. I engaged in a wide variety of self-development programs and courses to develop my skills, confidence and healing my own life, I took the plunge and this is what I did:

• I find out the BIG WHAT that was holding me back from being me
• Become comfortable and confident in who I am as a man
• Took small daily actions to unleash my potential
• Became clear about my limited beliefs and took actions to find new ones
• Learn the most effective tools to self-love, acceptance and opening my heart

Now I thrive in all areas of my life as i guide men into becoming confident men too.

Through my personal journey of letting go of the deep hurts I found Love for myself, I started to speak my truth about Love and able to see the Love in others and receive it too. The question i have for you is, how much has deep hurt cost you so far?

I entered a journey of experience being love in profound new ways, I went through a four-step process acceptance, identify, mobilize, and release the painful memories and life-damaging beliefs that are at the root of many emotional and physical health problems. The fourth steps helped me opening my heart to true love flowing into me.

If you too relate to the above, are experiencing lacks of self-love and are at stage of your life where you want to take life back into your own hands, than the new and very unique Love2Loveworkshop held on the 1st of December is the one to help you unleash the authentic man within. Only number of tickets available, Book yours now, click HERE!

Four more years. This powerful sentence, a record breaking tweet sent by Barack Obama and re-tweeted nearly a million times, has headlined newspapers around the world. These three words have become a symbol for hope, change, and freedom.

As the results of the 2012 US Presidential election were announced, you could practically hear the sigh of relief emanating from social networks and newspapers around the world. Relief that the voters had chosen to put their trust once again in Barack Obama, giving the Democrats the keys to the White House for another term.

For some, Obama was the lesser of two evils. But for me and for many people I know, he symbolises much more. He symbolises progress, the march of freedom, of equal rights, of social equality and democracy. He symbolises the inclusion of all minorities; as he said himself “It doesn’t matter whether you’re black or white or Hispanic or Asian or Native American or young or old or rich or poor, abled, disabled, gay or straight. You can make it (here) in America if you’re willing to try.”

This election was a first for many things. It was the first time a black President was re-elected to the White House. It was the first time an open supporter of gay rights was voted in. It was the first time that any President mentioned the word “gay” in a presidential victory speech. And for the first time on the same night, three states voted in favour of gay marriage and a fourth state made steps towards gay equality by rejecting an appeal to ban  it.

This series of first symbolises a new beginning and an important victory for gay rights campaigners across the States and as a repercussion: across the globe. Mankind has made a step into the future, a future in which everyone has the right to love and to marry the one they love, regardless of gender or sexuality. A small victory in global terms, but an important one nonetheless.

This election really has raised hope for many people, and confirmed that although divided, the US favours the path of democracy, freedom and equality. Of course, there is a lot of work to be done. Obama must overcome the political gridlock that is occurring and is putting a break on his promised plans. The next two years will be crucial for making the most of his time in the office, and staying true to the expectations he has set.

Many cynics will try and put a damper on the elections and their message. But many will refuse to focus on the negative, the fears, the doubts. Instead, they will find inspiration and hope in the results of the elections. And excitement, that indeed “the best is yet to come.”

Will Pike – November 2012

On my recent visit to Macedonia for my mother’s 78thbirthday I found myself in a situation that was extremely challenging both emotionally and mentally. For the sake of the love, respect and not wanting to disappoint my family and people I love and care about I ended up setting myself into an autopilot mode by doing things that were expected of me and letting myself go with the flow.  I could not help but notice the changes in people’s behaviour around me as well as the anger that was being build inside of me. Whilst there were positive feeling being generated in the actions I was doing that were making other people happy, bit by bit I started to neglect my own wants and needs, as the time went on this started to build into more frustration and anger.

Doing things for others for sure is rewarding, ignoring our own needs, not listening to our own inner voice and not allowing ourselves to be who we actually are is NOT. Living in a straight men’s world where everyone is expecting you to be a well behaved, a respected son and a family guy if not managed properly can led to so much anger being stored inside of you.

How many of you have been told that anger is inappropriate?  It’s not good to be angry.  And so we’ve learned to ignore our feelings of anger, push them down, suppress them, and pretend they don’t exist.  In the long run, I realised that’s not any healthier for you than expressing your anger inappropriately. I now completely understand.  Having left my culture I made a decision a long time ago to stop being angry at my family, at the macho guys at school who bullied me for spending my time with girls and not playing football with them, at all of the people who started the war in former Yugoslavia that led me to loose friends, family and being forced to flee the country I grew up and new to be my own (at that time), at employers and friends who simply did not appreciate the hard work I put over the years. It was serving no one.

What I did not realize is that although I stopped expressing anger, I was also not honestly acknowledging how I felt, and so I was actually just storing the anger in my body.

One of the things I have learned through experience, working with healers, spiritual teachers, with many of my friends and helping clients move through relationship issues is that stored anger shows up in our life in many ways.  Often people who struggle with addiction, especially alcoholism have repressed anger.  Chronic pain has also proven to reveal hidden and stored anger.

Repressed anger is often disguised and sometimes it takes working through other emotions to arrive at the anger.

I’ve also discovered in both my personal and professional path that rather than acknowledging and expressing the anger we feel at other people, experiences, and life in general, we turn those heavy emotions inward and begin to blame ourselves, judge our feelings, and begin to want to justify or make sense of the feelings that dare to rise up and call our attentions. So we learn, to hide them, mask them, make excuses for them, and turn more judgement and pain inward at our own shortcomings and failings. I was the first to tell you, “ I’m not angry.” I would just as quickly jump in and justify why I should NOT feel angry, and make sense of the situation and talk myself right out of feeling what was real for me.  I had every right to be mad, and yet at some level, I did not believe that I did.  By the way, this did not stop the feelings from showing up.  I just got really good at “making sense” of it all – and totally dis empowering my real feelings and myself in the process.

Thank goodness, the work I have done over the years is helping me each time I go back to my roots, family and culture.  I have learned how to safely and quickly address what’s really causing the show of feelings, giving a voice to them, and letting go of the judgement and blame we tend to hold.

Addressing and releasing not only anger but other emotions and feelings that may be masking the real feelings of anger that you are holding is your first step.

It is your chance to move through the heavy, energetic emotions that are interfering with your happiness, and your living the life that you really want to be experiencing.

What I have found is that through combination of Chakra Healing, Life Coaching and tapping i work with clients on releasing the energy, the thoughts, the meta programming that causes this anger, it allows for more joy to come in.  You move the old, stuck, stagnant energy out of your system and make room for more of the new positive thoughts and energy to fill you.

If you are feeling stuck, lost or hopeless,

If you are at a crossroads and don’t know which way to turn,

If you are generally unhappy and just don’t know why,

If you know you want to make a change, and just cannot shift,

If you are chronically having accidents or experiencing pain and discomfort,

There’s a strong possibility that there is some stored, stuck, unexpressed anger (or other emotion) in your body, in your subconscious, in your energy body.  So get in touch as I would love for you to be anger free, you will be free to move forward to create the life and relationships you desire and to be all that you imagine.

To your love and joy,

Tony J Selimi ©HealOneSelf

The universe works in wonderful ways. Last Sunday, I had the chance to spend an inspiring afternoon with my new friend Marc. Over a plate of runny eggs and too many coffees, our discussion floated to a deep open chat about our paths, our struggles and our insecurities. We realised how we had both felt out of place in our childhood, had both struggled with our identities and had both felt a disconnect with the world around us. And then, by luck, we selected a movie that beautifully and wonderfully represented all of what we had touched upon: The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

This funny, inspired, and heartfelt movie blew us both away. It follows the freshman year of Charlie, a troubled and quiet teenager who has had little interaction with people his age. He meets siblings Patrick and Sam, and as the plot unfolds, opens up and overcomes many of his struggles. The film touched us in many ways and struck a deep chord within both of us, for a few reasons;

It showed how we can feel like spectators of our own lives. Charlie, the main character, has had little interaction with other people. He is quiet, lost in his thoughts, trying to understand himself and his place in the world, by observing and analysing everything going on around him. For many people, that feeling can be a reality: insecurity, bad experiences or trauma fill them with fear or doubt: they don’t feel good enough to speak their opinions, to connect to others or to stand up for themselves. They feel unable to take action, to speak their thoughts and to take control of their lives. They observe the world around them to understand it better, rather than participating in it and living. They are, as the movie title hints, as a wallflower: they look out to the world from their fixed perspective, feeling disconnected and separate.

It showed how we can focus on others too much, forgetting to take care of our own selves. Charlie wants to make everyone around him happy, however he is unable to help himself. As children, we learn to validate our behaviours through the people around us: our parents, teachers, families. We learn to associate ourselves with external events and factors to make our decisions and formulate our opinions. But although many learn to disassociate themselves as thew grow older, some are still unable to trust their own judgements and their own instincts. Instead, they live their lives based on what they assume others may think and on how they may be perceived. They show love to people around them, however do not take care of themselves, do not follow their inner voice, do not follow their deepest desires. They spend their time and energy caring for others, for their families, friends or colleagues. They fail to take care of themselves, of their minds, their bodies and their spirits. They don’t understand what makes them tick, what makes them feel good, and what drives them.

It showed how we don’t always feel deserving of love. “We accept the love that we think we deserve”. One of the most memorable quotes from the movie, this simple sentence perfectly explains why many date the wrong people. They don’t feel worthy of love, don’t believe that love exists for them, don’t imagine being good enough. So they settle. They settle in the wrong relationships, with the wrong friends, in the wrong careers. At some point in our lives, we all feel unworthy and undeserving, and we let it affect us in many ways, at a conscious level but also at a subconscious one, letting people and events take advantage of us.

 It showed how we all have unique talents and gifts. Charlie discovers a great love for music, for reading and for writing. He is encouraged by his English teacher to follow his love for words and to write his own short stories and eventually, novels. We all have our own amazing talents, however many of us do not develop them. Instead we participate in activities, jobs and careers that help us to fit in, when in fact, we were born to stand out. How many people do you know that are actually following their dreams, that take time to do things they truly love doing, and use their gifts to help people around them?

It showed how we can glimpse at times at how amazing we are. Even the most unaware person can glimpse at times at how we are not the sad story that we tell ourselves. We all get moments like these in our lives: moments when we feel on top of the world, we feel amazing, we feel fulfilled. Many people find this fulfilment through external factors: relationships, food, alcohol, exercise, etc. In these cases, the feeling will be short lived. True long-term fulfilment comes from following your heart, being yourself, and making steps to create the life you want, in every single aspect of it.

THE PERKS OF BEING YOU
The feelings and emotions portrayed in the movie hit a deep chord in me. It felt very close to home, and am sure will do for a number of gay men. It reminded me of we can feel separate from those around us, our lives and the people we love. During our childhood and teenage years we observe from a distance and learn to fit in by adapting our personality and appearance. We keep a safe distance between ourselves and the rest of the world.

Some of us learn to validate ourselves by external signs of happiness: expensive clothes, a perfect body, financial success, lavish parties. We look at others to love us, to fill our own lack of self-love. We don’t always feel deserving: we subconsciously bring ourselves down for being who we are. Many gay men I know, including myself in the past, fall into the wrong relationships with the wrong people. We settle for a small portion of what we really want, because we don’t believe that we can or in fact are worthy of anything better.

However, we all have many magnificent gifts and talents. Us gay men have paved the way in many industries, many fields, many arts. We have developed a unique sense of self-deprecating humour and have shown the world an openness of mind that has helped shape our society. Each individual, gay or straight, male or female, has something to offer the world. It is up to you to take full advantage of it, to create your own unique niche, to be yourself. Once you let go of the need for external approval, of your fears and that you truly follow your heart, you will discover just how amazing you are.

WE ARE INFINITE
We left the cinema remembering what life was all about: about following your dreams, connecting to yourself and to others, and finding your fulfilment. We both realised how grateful we were to some of our close friends for showing us the way to find love within ourselves, and helping us see the love around us. In my case, my fantastic friend, Founder of The Velvet Journey, Tony, who helped kick start in me a will to create the life of my dreams: fulfilled, balanced, healthy and happy.

We are infinite. That is the one final message of the movie that encapsulates just how amazing each and every one of us are. We are all capable of great things, once we learn from our pasts and commit to a better future. As was said in the movie: “We can’t do anything about where we’ve come from. But we can do something about where we go from here.”

Will Pike – October 2012

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Tony and myself are running our “Be Yourself, Change Your World” 1-day workshop on Saturday the 3rd of November. We will cover many of the topics mentioned above: self-love, acceptance, confidence and direction, to help you create a life of your own design. For more information and to book your ticket, click here.

If you’ve worked with me either on healing, coaching or attended one of my workshops, you know that I am a big proponent of managing negative self-talk.

So far working with hundreds of clients tackling self-love, depression, anxiety, sexuality, sexual frustrations and dissatisfaction, bad relationship with food, feelings, anger, insomnia, back pain, high blood pressure, addictions, money issues, job, relationship, panic attacks, migraines, the list goes on… one of the main root cause of these issues is the negative self-belief that is deeply rooted in their conscious and subconscious mind.

Did you know that on daily basis we think on average 70,000 thoughts, we each “speak” to ourselves, providing feedback on how we’re doing.  The NEGATIVE feedback tends to dominate ones day to day living. As a result, one ends up feeling worse, ones self-esteem diminishes – and one ends up in a rut.

Over the years I have helped many clients shift their thoughts, helped create personal affirmations and taught them simple to use tools to help them manage and change their “Self-Talk,” in doing so they can both elevate their level of self-esteem and empower their lives to attract rich relationships, abundance, fulfilment, happiness and all of the other things we all want in our lives.

My years of experience in the Information Technology (IT) I saw over and over again virus infected systems and networks and until the network was cleaned up and virus protected nothing was working, the business would loose £££ and would have a negative impact on the customers  too.

Just the way we can reprogram or upgrade a PC, we can to REPROGRAM our minds to enjoy greater happiness, wealth, confidence, love, success, health – and more.

ALL just by changing what we say to ourselves.

Be Yourself, Change Your World Workshop on the 3rd of November shows you the precise steps you need to follow to change your own Self-Talk.

It’s an amazing workshop, and I highly encourage you to check it out:

http://bit.ly/VwxuUl

After all, isn’t it time you successfully managed Your Life and took the first steps.

Love, Joy, Peace

Tony J Selimi

© Transformational Life Coach, Reiki Master and Energy Healer

The answer to that question will reveal in you ever, achieve the success, the life, the peace you’re, looking for or not.

The funny thing is though, you can’t answer it with words.Nope.  Words don’t cut it. That’s not how this question gets answered.  This question ONLY gets answered by the sheer DEFEAT and FEAR you suffer, and observing what happens immediately after that.

Sure, you may fall down a while. You may need to lick your wounds. You may need to take a breather. But will it STOP YOU?

Will that defeat and fear stop you?  Will that challenge stop you?  Will that problem stop you? Will that obstacle stop you? 

This is the single most important answer you’ll ever discover to creating the success you’re looking for in life.

There’s not one more profitable skill you can develop then that of overcoming FEAR and becoming UNSTOPPABLE!

And I do literally mean becoming UNSTOPPABLE.  As in… nothing will ever stop you. As in, you will need to DIE before you stop. As in… you make the TERMINATOR look like a wussy. 

That’s the kind of Unstoppable I’m talking about, letting go the Fear that holds you back and help you reach that place within yourself…

… I’m not kidding you.  You’ll crush anything you do.  You will shock yourself with the results you produce.

You will OVER ACHIEVE your personal goals… and then immediately set ones 10x bigger.

You will make money effortlessly, and the goal will then never be about making money again (because it’s so easy), and now the goals will be about IMPACT you actually create in the world.

All of this… comes as a result of letting go FEAR and being Unstoppable.

And our “Fear2Freedom” workshop that will help you become Unstoppable is happening October 13th. 
If you want to let go your Fear and become an UNSTOPPABLE , then don’t be stopped in attending this transformational workshop.

Click to Choose Freedom!

Make the first choice towards creating a life more powerful than you’ve ever lived before… and it will really begin once you’re here.

©Tony J Selimi

Transformational Life Coach, Reiki Master and Chakra Healer

 WE ARE OUR FAMILIES

It’s a fact: our families shape us. We spend our early years in wonderful awe of the world we have come into; we soak up everything around us and create our perceptions of the world based on what we are told, see and hear. Then as we grow up, our own experiences add a new layer of beliefs and truths about the world and ourselves, which follow us and determine our feelings and behaviours.

As gay men, the relationship we have with our families can be a complex one. Many a family has been torn apart by a son or daughter coming out. I have met several men who were completely rejected by their own parents for being themselves, and expressing it. Of course, these are extreme and (luckily) rare cases – yet they go to show how non-acceptance of individuals leads to negativity and the breakdown of some families.

Yet this non-acceptance does not always come from the family itself: it can also be internalized within us. We live in a society with a history of hatred towards anything outside of the norm, and a background of sexism, racism and homophobia. Although times have changed and the world (especially the UK and London in particular) is becoming a more tolerant and integrated place, at a subconscious level such widespread negativity has had a damaging impact on a lot of gay men. Many, including myself, have had to struggle with the nagging feeling that they are not right, that they do not fit in, and that they cannot be themselves. And if we do not fully accept ourselves, how can we expect others to?

As such, being gay can have an effect on the way we feel, on the way we communicate, and on how we interact with our siblings and parents. I have recently realised for example that I pushed my family away throughout my teenage years and my early twenties. I wasn’t accepting myself, and therefore I could not accept my family for who they were. At the time, I blamed them for not being the family I thought I should have, for not having the relationship with them I would like, and for not being the kind of people I wanted them to be. Why? Because it was easier to blame them and to focus on their own failings and defaults, rather than face myself and my own.

MY OWN STORY

Indeed, since the age of 15 my twin brother and myself started to grow apart. We went to different high schools, studied different degrees, and started hanging out with different people. At the same time, my communication with my parents and other brothers (twins as well) hit a low point. In reality, I was struggling with who I was, and could not accept or understand my own gay thoughts and feelings: I wanted to be left alone.

Over the next decade these subconscious feelings remained, and got in the way of any normal interaction I could have had with my close family, and even with my twin. My drama-free coming out at the age of 21 was a milestone, and gave me a hint of what I would realise a few years later: that I had come from a truly loving and accepting family. However, at the time I was only just beginning to understand myself, and was deeply lacking in confidence, self-love and acceptance. And so I carried on my years of drifting, of feeling lost and unable to be or express myself.

It wasn’t until I met Tony at the age of 25 and started my own journey of self-discovery with him that I finally began to see clear. I realised that my behaviour towards my family had evolved not from them, but from our misunderstanding and miscommunication. And I understood that the only person that could re-build a loving relationship and open communication with my family was myself. 

And so I made the conscious decision to try harder: to call them more often, to demonstrate my love for them at every occasion, to appreciate them and to connect with them at a deeper level. Over the past two years, I have expressed my darker secrets, my thoughts, my feelings and emotions to them, sometimes in writing, sometimes in person. And they have listened with unconditional love. They have accepted every single part of myself, with no judgment whatsoever.  It wasn’t always easy; my old, dark feelings sometimes crept back and stopped me from being myself. However I have persevered, and things have changed in ways I thought unthinkable a few years back.

At the same time, through my own self-acceptance and self-love, I in turn learnt to accept them and to love them unconditionally. I learnt to appreciate what I have, and to be grateful for what I have been given. And I have discovered what amazing people they are. I am extremely proud of my parents, my twin, and my two younger twin brothers.

My twin got married a few weeks ago. Throughout the last few months, our family has been drawn closer and closer as we got together for a Stag weekend in Budapest, a pre-party at our home in France and the official wedding in Wigan. I believe the whole process was very healing for all of us. As we united as a family once again we came to understand our love and affection for each other, and how we have matured into loving, fun and warm individuals. For me, there is no easier way to express this than by showing you a video we filmed for the bride, while away on the Stag weekend:

My family has now become a very important part of my life. I feel grounded, safe and secure in the knowledge that I will always have them to support me wherever I go and whatever I do. I have also realised that I want to someday start a family of my own, and have started to look forward to the future family get-togethers, each with our respective partners and children. 

YOU HAVE THE BEST FAMILY IN THE WORLD

I wrote this article partly to express my joy, love and pride at being part of such a special family, and partly to inspire other gay men to re-connect to their own. Until a few months ago, I never realised how special my own family was. And I never appreciated how deeply my own actions could influence our development and unity.

It is because of experiences like these that I am so happy and proud to be a part of The Velvet Journey. The learnings and discoveries I have made over the years of coaching with Tony have helped me create a life that is truly fulfilled in every sense. And I am extremely excited to be able to help bring his method, his awareness and his love for others to a wider audience.

I believe that anyone can improve his or her own relation with her parents and siblings. For sure, it may take time, effort, patience and forgiveness. But it is worth it. Love overcomes anything in the long run. Communicate with love, show your appreciation, and express your feelings. As you accept and love yourself you will learn to accept and love everyone around you, for exactly who they are. And what if they are not as accepting as you would like? Accept and love them regardless, and be patient. Be grateful for what you have been given: they have helped shape you, are a part of you, and therefore deserve your love.

As one of my younger brothers said, we have “the best family in the world”. However, you do too. So take a minute to think right now how you have affected your family over the years. What could you do today to improve your relationship with them? What steps can you take to expressing your love for them and showing them your appreciation? The grass isn’t greener on the other side; it is greener where you water it. So fill your watering can with your own love, and pour it over your family, your friends and above all, your dreams.

Will Pike – October 2012

How does one argue with love, is there such a way to argue with someone?

I come across situations like this in my everyday life, one rightly so has the right to express their thoughts and feelings about something they truly believe is the right or the wrong thing. Where does this need to be right, to be heard, to argue etc comes from?

I notice it in my own thoughts, with people I love, with people I work with, family, friends, clients, socially, it seems to be all around us.

This inspiration to write this article came to me after an interesting conversation with my business partners and after a birthday dinner of a very close friend of mine during which some intense arguments started by simply one statement being made by a person on the table.

What happened is that after we all left, with two of my good friends that were staying with me we took a walk to Pimlico.  I and another good friend of mine continued this conversation, whilst our third friend remained silent all the way.

At some point I was curious to why he has not said anything, and asked him his thoughts about our conversation and the evening? His answer was that he found it difficult to have a voice when two people argue their points about something….

If you are like me and my friend Leon you most likely are so used to this style of communication and you don’t take it to heart when we agree to disagree, we grew up in a culture where everyone can talk at the same time and we still understand each other and don’t find it rude.

In my experience most people don’t like to fight or argue, and with good reason too, it can leave you with some very powerful negative emotions, such as hate and anger.

The simple truth is that we are all going to end up having fights and arguments throughout our lives. To think otherwise would be self-delusional!

My advice is that it makes more sense to be prepared for it rather than to pretend it’s never going to happen.

I don’t mean that you should always anticipating a fight and be thinking about your tactics. That would be attracting it into your life, and that’s not a good thing.

What I do mean is, having a strategy so that it can help you reduce or eliminate the negative emotions that often result from the fight, debate and arguing.

Here are 4 steps that will help you do that:

1. Respect yourself; this will help you respect the other person’s opinion.

Keep in mind that the other person’s opinion is very important to them. It’s not something that they are going to give up just because you disagree with it.

By doing this it will help you to remain less emotional and more rational. And that’s a big key to eliminating the negative emotions that come from fighting, arguing and debating.

2. The other person is always right!

This tends to help your state of being, if you can take that position from the onset of any disagreement, then you’ll be able to understand why they have a different opinion to you.

Put yourself in their shoes for just a few minutes and really try and learn why they think that way, instead of using your perceptual filters and being judgmental, be curious.

You don’t have to agree with them; although you have a choice to understand why they think that way, it will keep the emotions a lot lower.

A word of caution here – Don’t just listen to them and then tell them why they are wrong, one can learn a lot if you truly try to understand why they might be right.

It will create an enormous amount of respect from them, for you. And that’s going to help a lot when you put your thoughts forward.

3. Don’t accept abusive or disrespectful language, you always have a choice to walk away

This goes both ways, you shouldn’t use it and you shouldn’t accept it from them.

If you feel you are getting too emotional, then let the other person know and ask them if it’s ok to finish the conversation a little later.

That gives you time to calm down and think rationally about the argument.

If they get abusive or disrespectful, explain to them that the agreement is too emotional and you’d like to continue it when they have calmed down.

4. Open your heart and send love energy to the people or the person you are having a disagreement or agreement, love is infectious

Whilst at times it can be difficult to love someone through and argument, the question I have for you is what feels better to love, or to judge and hate? Love energy always has a higher vibration, it is better for our own wellbeing as well as people we love or we work with.

Keep sending them love, smiles, I often experience through my clients how their ego gets smaller and the love takes over and we end up with a hug, a smile and feeling great about clearing the resistance that we ourselves create.

PLEASE NOTE: These tips are for dealing with most normal arguments. If you are in a physically abusive situation, then seek professional help right now, before any more arguments take place.

There is really no excuse for verbal abuse, and certainly there isn’t any excuse for physical abuse.

If you change the way you think about something, the thing you are thinking changes! We are all energy being that come from the same source that created us all, love one another.

Whats your strategy, send me your comments. To learn how to understand the difference it makes when you communicate with confidence and love, join me on the 20th October I am running a powerful workshop.

In Peace, Empowerment and Prosperity

©Tony J Selimi