On my recent visit to Macedonia for my mother’s 78thbirthday I found myself in a situation that was extremely challenging both emotionally and mentally. For the sake of the love, respect and not wanting to disappoint my family and people I love and care about I ended up setting myself into an autopilot mode by doing things that were expected of me and letting myself go with the flow.  I could not help but notice the changes in people’s behaviour around me as well as the anger that was being build inside of me. Whilst there were positive feeling being generated in the actions I was doing that were making other people happy, bit by bit I started to neglect my own wants and needs, as the time went on this started to build into more frustration and anger.

Doing things for others for sure is rewarding, ignoring our own needs, not listening to our own inner voice and not allowing ourselves to be who we actually are is NOT. Living in a straight men’s world where everyone is expecting you to be a well behaved, a respected son and a family guy if not managed properly can led to so much anger being stored inside of you.

How many of you have been told that anger is inappropriate?  It’s not good to be angry.  And so we’ve learned to ignore our feelings of anger, push them down, suppress them, and pretend they don’t exist.  In the long run, I realised that’s not any healthier for you than expressing your anger inappropriately. I now completely understand.  Having left my culture I made a decision a long time ago to stop being angry at my family, at the macho guys at school who bullied me for spending my time with girls and not playing football with them, at all of the people who started the war in former Yugoslavia that led me to loose friends, family and being forced to flee the country I grew up and new to be my own (at that time), at employers and friends who simply did not appreciate the hard work I put over the years. It was serving no one.

What I did not realize is that although I stopped expressing anger, I was also not honestly acknowledging how I felt, and so I was actually just storing the anger in my body.

One of the things I have learned through experience, working with healers, spiritual teachers, with many of my friends and helping clients move through relationship issues is that stored anger shows up in our life in many ways.  Often people who struggle with addiction, especially alcoholism have repressed anger.  Chronic pain has also proven to reveal hidden and stored anger.

Repressed anger is often disguised and sometimes it takes working through other emotions to arrive at the anger.

I’ve also discovered in both my personal and professional path that rather than acknowledging and expressing the anger we feel at other people, experiences, and life in general, we turn those heavy emotions inward and begin to blame ourselves, judge our feelings, and begin to want to justify or make sense of the feelings that dare to rise up and call our attentions. So we learn, to hide them, mask them, make excuses for them, and turn more judgement and pain inward at our own shortcomings and failings. I was the first to tell you, “ I’m not angry.” I would just as quickly jump in and justify why I should NOT feel angry, and make sense of the situation and talk myself right out of feeling what was real for me.  I had every right to be mad, and yet at some level, I did not believe that I did.  By the way, this did not stop the feelings from showing up.  I just got really good at “making sense” of it all – and totally dis empowering my real feelings and myself in the process.

Thank goodness, the work I have done over the years is helping me each time I go back to my roots, family and culture.  I have learned how to safely and quickly address what’s really causing the show of feelings, giving a voice to them, and letting go of the judgement and blame we tend to hold.

Addressing and releasing not only anger but other emotions and feelings that may be masking the real feelings of anger that you are holding is your first step.

It is your chance to move through the heavy, energetic emotions that are interfering with your happiness, and your living the life that you really want to be experiencing.

What I have found is that through combination of Chakra Healing, Life Coaching and tapping i work with clients on releasing the energy, the thoughts, the meta programming that causes this anger, it allows for more joy to come in.  You move the old, stuck, stagnant energy out of your system and make room for more of the new positive thoughts and energy to fill you.

If you are feeling stuck, lost or hopeless,

If you are at a crossroads and don’t know which way to turn,

If you are generally unhappy and just don’t know why,

If you know you want to make a change, and just cannot shift,

If you are chronically having accidents or experiencing pain and discomfort,

There’s a strong possibility that there is some stored, stuck, unexpressed anger (or other emotion) in your body, in your subconscious, in your energy body.  So get in touch as I would love for you to be anger free, you will be free to move forward to create the life and relationships you desire and to be all that you imagine.

To your love and joy,

Tony J Selimi ©HealOneSelf

If you’ve worked with me either on healing, coaching or attended one of my workshops, you know that I am a big proponent of managing negative self-talk.

So far working with hundreds of clients tackling self-love, depression, anxiety, sexuality, sexual frustrations and dissatisfaction, bad relationship with food, feelings, anger, insomnia, back pain, high blood pressure, addictions, money issues, job, relationship, panic attacks, migraines, the list goes on… one of the main root cause of these issues is the negative self-belief that is deeply rooted in their conscious and subconscious mind.

Did you know that on daily basis we think on average 70,000 thoughts, we each “speak” to ourselves, providing feedback on how we’re doing.  The NEGATIVE feedback tends to dominate ones day to day living. As a result, one ends up feeling worse, ones self-esteem diminishes – and one ends up in a rut.

Over the years I have helped many clients shift their thoughts, helped create personal affirmations and taught them simple to use tools to help them manage and change their “Self-Talk,” in doing so they can both elevate their level of self-esteem and empower their lives to attract rich relationships, abundance, fulfilment, happiness and all of the other things we all want in our lives.

My years of experience in the Information Technology (IT) I saw over and over again virus infected systems and networks and until the network was cleaned up and virus protected nothing was working, the business would loose £££ and would have a negative impact on the customers  too.

Just the way we can reprogram or upgrade a PC, we can to REPROGRAM our minds to enjoy greater happiness, wealth, confidence, love, success, health – and more.

ALL just by changing what we say to ourselves.

Be Yourself, Change Your World Workshop on the 3rd of November shows you the precise steps you need to follow to change your own Self-Talk.

It’s an amazing workshop, and I highly encourage you to check it out:

http://bit.ly/VwxuUl

After all, isn’t it time you successfully managed Your Life and took the first steps.

Love, Joy, Peace

Tony J Selimi

© Transformational Life Coach, Reiki Master and Energy Healer

The answer to that question will reveal in you ever, achieve the success, the life, the peace you’re, looking for or not.

The funny thing is though, you can’t answer it with words.Nope.  Words don’t cut it. That’s not how this question gets answered.  This question ONLY gets answered by the sheer DEFEAT and FEAR you suffer, and observing what happens immediately after that.

Sure, you may fall down a while. You may need to lick your wounds. You may need to take a breather. But will it STOP YOU?

Will that defeat and fear stop you?  Will that challenge stop you?  Will that problem stop you? Will that obstacle stop you? 

This is the single most important answer you’ll ever discover to creating the success you’re looking for in life.

There’s not one more profitable skill you can develop then that of overcoming FEAR and becoming UNSTOPPABLE!

And I do literally mean becoming UNSTOPPABLE.  As in… nothing will ever stop you. As in, you will need to DIE before you stop. As in… you make the TERMINATOR look like a wussy. 

That’s the kind of Unstoppable I’m talking about, letting go the Fear that holds you back and help you reach that place within yourself…

… I’m not kidding you.  You’ll crush anything you do.  You will shock yourself with the results you produce.

You will OVER ACHIEVE your personal goals… and then immediately set ones 10x bigger.

You will make money effortlessly, and the goal will then never be about making money again (because it’s so easy), and now the goals will be about IMPACT you actually create in the world.

All of this… comes as a result of letting go FEAR and being Unstoppable.

And our “Fear2Freedom” workshop that will help you become Unstoppable is happening October 13th. 
If you want to let go your Fear and become an UNSTOPPABLE , then don’t be stopped in attending this transformational workshop.

Click to Choose Freedom!

Make the first choice towards creating a life more powerful than you’ve ever lived before… and it will really begin once you’re here.

©Tony J Selimi

Transformational Life Coach, Reiki Master and Chakra Healer

How does one argue with love, is there such a way to argue with someone?

I come across situations like this in my everyday life, one rightly so has the right to express their thoughts and feelings about something they truly believe is the right or the wrong thing. Where does this need to be right, to be heard, to argue etc comes from?

I notice it in my own thoughts, with people I love, with people I work with, family, friends, clients, socially, it seems to be all around us.

This inspiration to write this article came to me after an interesting conversation with my business partners and after a birthday dinner of a very close friend of mine during which some intense arguments started by simply one statement being made by a person on the table.

What happened is that after we all left, with two of my good friends that were staying with me we took a walk to Pimlico.  I and another good friend of mine continued this conversation, whilst our third friend remained silent all the way.

At some point I was curious to why he has not said anything, and asked him his thoughts about our conversation and the evening? His answer was that he found it difficult to have a voice when two people argue their points about something….

If you are like me and my friend Leon you most likely are so used to this style of communication and you don’t take it to heart when we agree to disagree, we grew up in a culture where everyone can talk at the same time and we still understand each other and don’t find it rude.

In my experience most people don’t like to fight or argue, and with good reason too, it can leave you with some very powerful negative emotions, such as hate and anger.

The simple truth is that we are all going to end up having fights and arguments throughout our lives. To think otherwise would be self-delusional!

My advice is that it makes more sense to be prepared for it rather than to pretend it’s never going to happen.

I don’t mean that you should always anticipating a fight and be thinking about your tactics. That would be attracting it into your life, and that’s not a good thing.

What I do mean is, having a strategy so that it can help you reduce or eliminate the negative emotions that often result from the fight, debate and arguing.

Here are 4 steps that will help you do that:

1. Respect yourself; this will help you respect the other person’s opinion.

Keep in mind that the other person’s opinion is very important to them. It’s not something that they are going to give up just because you disagree with it.

By doing this it will help you to remain less emotional and more rational. And that’s a big key to eliminating the negative emotions that come from fighting, arguing and debating.

2. The other person is always right!

This tends to help your state of being, if you can take that position from the onset of any disagreement, then you’ll be able to understand why they have a different opinion to you.

Put yourself in their shoes for just a few minutes and really try and learn why they think that way, instead of using your perceptual filters and being judgmental, be curious.

You don’t have to agree with them; although you have a choice to understand why they think that way, it will keep the emotions a lot lower.

A word of caution here – Don’t just listen to them and then tell them why they are wrong, one can learn a lot if you truly try to understand why they might be right.

It will create an enormous amount of respect from them, for you. And that’s going to help a lot when you put your thoughts forward.

3. Don’t accept abusive or disrespectful language, you always have a choice to walk away

This goes both ways, you shouldn’t use it and you shouldn’t accept it from them.

If you feel you are getting too emotional, then let the other person know and ask them if it’s ok to finish the conversation a little later.

That gives you time to calm down and think rationally about the argument.

If they get abusive or disrespectful, explain to them that the agreement is too emotional and you’d like to continue it when they have calmed down.

4. Open your heart and send love energy to the people or the person you are having a disagreement or agreement, love is infectious

Whilst at times it can be difficult to love someone through and argument, the question I have for you is what feels better to love, or to judge and hate? Love energy always has a higher vibration, it is better for our own wellbeing as well as people we love or we work with.

Keep sending them love, smiles, I often experience through my clients how their ego gets smaller and the love takes over and we end up with a hug, a smile and feeling great about clearing the resistance that we ourselves create.

PLEASE NOTE: These tips are for dealing with most normal arguments. If you are in a physically abusive situation, then seek professional help right now, before any more arguments take place.

There is really no excuse for verbal abuse, and certainly there isn’t any excuse for physical abuse.

If you change the way you think about something, the thing you are thinking changes! We are all energy being that come from the same source that created us all, love one another.

Whats your strategy, send me your comments. To learn how to understand the difference it makes when you communicate with confidence and love, join me on the 20th October I am running a powerful workshop.

In Peace, Empowerment and Prosperity

©Tony J Selimi

I hear it over and over again from clients, from friends, colleagues, family and sometimes even in my own head that, no matter what we do or how hard we try, stuff just happens in our lives that has the potential to create negative self talk and generate negative emotions.

Over the years i learned many mind empowering techniques that no matter what is happening around me it helped me remain in the state of happiness, value life even more and appreciate everything about life including the trigger that has the potential to push me towards negative emotions.

So, i thought to myself  why don’t i  create a simply plan for you to implement when it happens to you. I have one, and I call it my “happiness plan”, when something happens that causes me to begin to feel some negative emotions or start some negative self talk, I move directly to my  happiness plan.



You might wonder what is this? It’s actually a very simple technique that subconsciously we all do it at some point in our lives, it is only a list of things that I can do in any given situation that will lift my spirits and turn me in a positive direction. 

Here’s my favourite 4 things.

1. Smile, the old proverbs use it a lot, often they do say, smile breaks the ice, indeed it does, i smile at people I don’t know (as well as people that I do know), it is amazing to observe and receive smile back, we use it in our text messages, we use it every where, do more of it. Smile at yourself in a given situation and see those tensions disappear straight away

2. Do something that you love doing, go for a walk in a park and look, listen, smell and touch as much of nature as you possibly can. You’ll be amazed at how well this works, especially if you can think about how incredibly complex and beautiful it is.

3. I put something funny on TV, or i go to a comedy club,  tend to listen to my favourite comedian, who is yours? I usually have a couple of recordings on my iPad.  This is an easy one. Go to YouTube and search funny videos, then share your favourite with a friend. This is another easy one.

4. Surround yourself with happy people, we can not change others, although we can change the choice we have to be in others peoples presence or not, identify one friend who always makes you smile, no matter what you do, feel or experience. 
Any one of these will break the pattern of negativity and lift your energy.

Be creative, create your plan, have it ready to go, and use as often as you need to, you can never get enough of 
being happy 

Warmly
Tony J Selimi 
Energetics Life Coaching

Lets start by understanding what Fear does to you, Fear is the mind’s attempt to protect you against harm.  We just like animals we have our instinct to help us do that, we use fear for any perceived threat real or imagined.

Fear creates many patterns for you including limiting beliefs and roadblocks to travel towards the success island. In order to turn fear into a powerful tool all you need to do is learn to tell the difference! Once you know whether the fear is real or imagined you can learn to plot a course around it, resolve the fear or understand why it is important.

In order to turn fear into a powerful tool all you need to do is learn to tell the difference! Once you know whether the fear is real or imagined you can learn to plot a course around it, resolve the fear or understand why it is important.

Fear does serve a purpose for you and harnessed properly can become a powerful tool.  By making a simple shift in how fear exists in your life you will inherently overcome a whole set of roadblocks that has previously stopped you.

Through this simple process you can now take what was once a roadblock or limitation and use it as a guide for removing them.  Any time you feel afraid you can use your tools to identify, learn from and transmute the fear from something that stops you to something that moves you forward!

The fear of failure is perhaps the strongest force holding people below their potential. In a world full of uncertainty, a delicate economy, and countless misfortunes that could happen to anyone, it’s easy to see why most people are inclined to play it safe.

But playing it safe has risk as well. If you never dare to fail your success will have a low ceiling. Most people underestimate their merit and ability to recover from failure, leading them to pass up valuable opportunities. The ability to fail big and fail often has been a mark of the spectacularly successful throughout history.

The following strategies will help you put risk and reward in perspective so you can overcome the fear of failure.

1. Consider the cost of missed opportunities – The biggest risk that people fail to consider is the benefit they lose by avoiding high risk/high reward opportunities. The ideal career contains a wide range of job opportunities (some risky, some safe) that combine to form a relatively safe career with a high potential for growth. Taking high risk opportunities is essential because they offer the greatest reward:

The issue is that without taking risk, you can’t exploit any opportunities. You can live a quiet and reasonably happy life, but you are unlikely to create something new, and you are unlikely to make your mark on the world.

2. Research the alternatives – The unknown is a major source of fear. When you don’t know what you’re dealing with, potential consequences seem far worse than they actually are. Take the power out fear by understanding it. Research all the potential outcomes (both good and bad) so you genuinely understand the risk of failure and benefits of success. Analyzing these outcomes will help you see through the fear of failure and make a logical decision.

3. Put the worst-case scenario in perspective – One of the most powerful questions posed is: If you chase your dreams and fall flat on your face, worst-case scenario, how long will it take you to recover? The answer is probably less than you expect.

How hard would it really be to find another job? Chances are you could recover completely in a few months. Is the fear of a few rough months strong enough to keep you in a mediocre situation indefinitely?

4. Understand the benefits of failure – As Emerson said, life is a series of experiments, the more you make the better. Each failure is a trial in an experiment and an opportunity for growth. Even if a failure costs you financially, the educational benefits can far outweigh the loss. Working for a startup instead of a big company is considered risky, , “Managers at big companies prefer to hire someone who’d tried to start a startup and failed over someone who’d spent the same time working at a big company.” Maybe that experience at a big company isn’t as safe or as valuable as you think?

5. Make a contingency plan – Another way to overcome the fear of failure is to reduce the downside. Hedge your risk by creating a contingency plan. Even if your first option fails, you can maintain the status quo with a solid backup plan. Daring to fail doesn’t mean you have to risk losing it all. If you manage risk intelligently, you can capture the benefits of high risk opportunities while leaving yourself a safety net.

6. Take action – The best way to reduce fear and build confidence is taking action. As soon as you do, you’ll begin accumulating experience and knowledge. Everything is hardest the first time. It’s like jumping off a cliff into a lake — after you do it once, you see that the water is safe and each time afterwards is easy. Start off with small steps and build up your confidence until the fear of failure is manageable.

7. Burn the boats - When ancient Greek armies traveled across the sea to do battle, the first thing they would do after landing was to burn the boats, leaving them stranded. With no way to make it home besides victory, the resolve of the soldiers was strengthened. When success and failure are the only options, you have no choice but to follow through.

If you have a goal, but are afraid to commit, force yourself into action by burning the boats. Register for an exam in advance if you want to go back to school. Set a deadline to move to a new city without signing a lease. Fear of failure disappears when you realize it can’t save you.

Send me your success strategy, what fear did you over come and how did you inspire yourself?

Check out Fear to Freedom http://www.thevelvetjourney.com/workshops/feartofreedom/

By Tony J Selimi, Transformational Life Coach and Chakra Healer

“Peace of mind comes when your life is in harmony with true principles and values and in no other way.”  ~ Stephen Covey

“There’s this illusion that homosexuals have sex and heterosexuals fall in love. That’s completely untrue. Everybody wants to be loved.” ~ Boy George

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” ~ Dr. Seuss





“It seems to me that the real clue to your sexual orientation lies in your romantic feelings rather than your sexual feelings. If you are really gay, you are able to fall in love with a man, not just enjoy sex with him.” ~ Christopher Isherwood



“Of all the creatures of earth, only human beings can change their patterns. Man alone is the architect of his destiny. Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.” ~ William James



“A world of abundance surrounds you, if only you will step up and claim it. Make life happen through you rather than letting it happen to you. It will make all the difference in the world.” ~Ralph Marston



“If you are ashamed to stand by your colors, you had better seek another flag.”
~ Anonymous



“A human being is a part of a whole, called by us _universe_, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest… a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” ~ Albert Einstein



“The important thing is not the object of love, but the emotion itself.” ~ Gore Vidal



“Happiness is not a matter of good fortune or wordly possessions. It’s a mental attitude. It comes from appreciating what we have, instead of being miserable about what we do not have. It’s so simple, yet so hard for the human mind to comprehend.” ~ John Luther



“Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate. You make yourself unhappy” ~ Wayne Dyer



“Good character is more to be praised than outstanding talent. Most talents are to some extent a gift. Good character, by contrast, is not given to us. We have to build it piece by piece by thought, choice, courage and determination.” ~ John Luther



“If I accept you as you are, I will make you worse; however, if I treat you as though you are what you are capable of becoming, I help you become that.”                 ~ Johann von Goethe



“As long as society is anti-gay, then it will seem like being gay is anti-social.”
~ Joseph Francis



“You have a wisdom inside you – listen for it. You have a light inside you – feel its glow. You have the power to speak and act and make things manifest in the world – let your wisdom and light guide you as you do.” ~ Michael Neill



“I can never be what I ought to be, until you are what you ought to be.”  ~ Martin Luther King



“Some people see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not?”  ~ George Bernard Shaw



“If you’re going to be passionate about something, be passionate about learning. If you’re going to fight something, fight for those in need. If you’re going to question something, question authority. If you’re going to lose something, lose your inhibitions. If you’re going to gain something, gain respect and confidence. And if you’re going to hate something, hate the false idea that you are not capable of your dreams.” ~ Daniel Golston



“Homosexuality is God’s way of insuring that the truly gifted aren’t burdened with children.”~ Sam Austin



“Everybody’s journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality.”~ James Baldwin



“When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one.”~ Leonard P. Matlovich



“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.” ~Harvey Fierstein



“Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?” ~ Ernest Gaines

We often wonder about those people you read about who became millionaires overnight (unless they hit the lottery) did they really become millionaires overnight?

We hear it all the time, been told by our parents, society, friends, etc that succeeding at anything takes time. That belief system has been printed in our mind, but think again… that time can be shortened somewhat by applying a few simple techniques to the process that I teach many of my clients:

1. Make a plan

A plan is like a road map that shows you where you are now and the best route to use to get to where you want to be. Those who “fail to plan, plan to fail” as the wise old saying tells us “dont just think a plan in your head…you wont remember all the little twists and turns along the road” instead write it down in black and white and in as much detail as you can. Each and every day, do at least one thing that will advance your progress toward your goal.

2. Learn

Learn everything you can about your chosen subject. Knowledge is power. Surround yourself with information and organize it so that you can easily access the particulars in any area. There is no detail so small that it doesnt merit your searching out every scrap of information about it.

3. Role Model or Mentor

If you can find someone who has succeeded in the field you are pursuing, associate your self as closely as you can with that person. First hand knowledge is more valuable than any other kind. Successful people have already made mistakes
and they can help you avoid some pitfalls. They can open doors for you that would remain firmly closed without their help to open them.

4. Apply What You Learn

Use the knowledge that you gain from your own research and from you roll model or mentor. Put it into action as soon as you can…and the sooner the better.

5. Never Give Up

Overnight success happens because you wont take “no” for an answer. When you get knocked down…you get up. When a door closes…you crawl through a  window. You work harder than anybody else and you too, can become an overnight success.

Our next workshop is to be held on the 8th of September ‘Fear to Freedom’ I will be teaching simple techniques to over come your fears that hold you back to creating the success you want in your life.

© Tony J Selimi

Our life experiences are created from our thoughts, from our interpretations of the stories that have played out in our lives, and from the actions we take as a result of the thoughts that run through our mind.

Thoughts become things, they are vibrations, and the moment we start thinking about something we have already generated that vibrations and we have set things in motion.


We have all heard it before – change your thoughts and you change your life. In my last 20 years of research in human psychology, various healing methods, as well as a Life Coach I have created a simple model to help you understand this model of thoughts become things.

Our thoughts influence our feelings, our feelings will influence how we behave and our behaviour drives the outcomes, simple yet some people find it difficult to break various self destructive thought patterns and negative behaviours.

But…

Is it really as easy as that?

Yes

Except…

The vast majority of the thoughts that are controlling our life experience are programmed, automatic, (…and negative), and have been playing over and over in our minds since we were young. They are such a part of our lives that most of us don’t even notice them.

What is your routine or programme that you are playing over and over? Do you find it difficult to change your thought patterns, beliefs you have been accumulating over the years and calm your mind?

Come along to our next workshop Fear to Freedom, we will be looking on how False Evidence Appearing Real can hold us back to creating the reality we want.

Sign up to our newsletter to remain up to date with our latest posts, information, event and workshops and help you learn new ways you can break habits as well as meet like-minded men.

 © Tony J Selimi

Having a positive attitude can help you cope much more easily with life’s daily affairs.

A positive attitude brings optimism into your life, and makes it easier to avoid worry and negative thinking.

If you adopt it as a way of life, it will bring constructive changes into your life, and over the long run make you happier and much more successful.

It’s true. With a positive attitude you’ll begin to see the bright side of life, you’ll become optimistic and you’ll expect the best to happen — and it will!

A positive attitude is certainly a state of mind that is well worth developing and strengthening!

Here are just some of the benefits of having a positive attitude:

• Achieve your goals and attain success
• Success achieved faster and more easily
• More happiness
• More energy
• Greater inner power and strength
• The ability to inspire and motivate yourself and others
• Fewer difficulties encountered along the way
• The ability to surmount any difficulty
• People begin to respect you more