SPOILER ALERT: The below is a shameless plug written out of love and respect - and is long overdue. 

If you had met me just a few years ago, you would have observed a very different person: a quiet, shy, reserved and nervous individual, unsure about himself, his opinions, his wants or his desires. Full of self-doubt, insecurities and fears, he struggled to be authentic around other people. He was unable to deeply connect to his friends, unable to express his love for the people in his life, and unable above all to love himself. Lost and confused, he had spent years jumping from city to city, from club to club, and from job to job in the search of some release, some hope and some fulfillment.



Nowadays, I am settled, grounded, happy and fulfilled. I Love (with a capital L) my work and my businesses, I have great friends to whom I am deeply connected  to and who support me in all my endeavors, and I have a fantastic loving relationship with my family. I am able to be my authentic self in all situations, and to express my true desires, wants and opinions. 

One person has had a huge impact on my transformation: my great friend, business partner and coach Tony Selimi. Here is our story:

HOW I MET TONY

When I met Tony, I had already began my journey. After a depressing few years, some little voice inside of me had guided me to finally settle down, and to start a work I could enjoy. I met Tony on the gym floor in 2010: he offered me a free healing in return for a PT session. Intrigued, I went along, with little expectations. 

Looking back on that first session, I remember how uncomfortable I felt. I felt prodded, nudged and gently wrestled into opening up and talking about myself, my feelings and my emotions. As a British passive aggressive introvert, it was my idea of hell. My ego kicked in with a vengeance: "Who was this man asking so many questions?" "Who did he think he was?" " How dare he make me feel so uncomfortable!" Part of me doubted and distrusted, another part of me was intrigued. But I knew deep down that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

Tony was patient, and gave me the space to slowly feel more and more comfortable. Although part of me was screaming to run away back to my comfort zone, at the end of our session I chose to accompany him to dinner. As we chatted about spirituality, our lives, our dreams and our desires, something in me clicked and I knew that my life was about to take a turn for the better. 

After agreeing to provide Tony with some Personal Training in return for more coaching and healing, I left feeling elated, as if something in me had shifted, some hope had returned. There was light at the end of the tunnel.


MY INITIAL RESISTANCE

I would be lying to you if I said that I had jumped head first into my new path. Even though I could catch a glimpse of where I was headed, a big part of me resisted the process. The concepts of energy, of manifestation, of law of attraction etc were all new to me. Years and years of belief in the physical world as the only reality held me back, and it would take me many months before I could fully release my doubts and trust what Tony was talking about.

At the same time, I still held on tightly to my old destructive habits, my old thought patterns, my old conditioning. For over a year, I went through many ups and downs: one day feeling elated and on top of the world, the other back to the grey gloom and doom. I caught a glimpse of the happiness and self-love Tony talked about, and then found myself doubting I had ever experienced it.

In hindsight, these cycles matched the times when I listened and nurtured my inner voice, my truth, and the times when I blocked it out, doubted myself, and forgot my heart. Time after time I returned to see Tony, and at every single session, I opened up a tiny bit more, learnt a bit more about myself, and felt a bit more hopeful.


STEP BY STEP

Little by little, with Tony’s constant, loving yet patient support and understanding I started to see clearer and clearer. I discovered a new awareness of myself, my thoughts and my emotions. I began to understand my past behaviors, my day-to-day feelings and my future desires. And I embarked on a journey of tremendous change that has not stopped since. 

The fog slowly started to lift and I saw my life with a whole new perspective. I was able to see how for years I had avoided looking deeper into myself, always scared of what was inside. I was able to see how I had blamed my lack of love on everyone else but myself: my family, my friends, my clients. And I was able to see how much better my life was when I trusted and followed my intuition.  

It wasn't always plain sailing, I made many mistakes and put myself into many difficult situations. However Tony always empowered me to turn the situations around, to gain learnings and insights from them, to forgive myself and to move on quickly.

In doing so, I started to trust my instincts, and built a new-found respect and esteem for myself, my desires and my choices. I re-discovered love for life, for those around me and for me - for Will. My resistance dropped, and I became eager to learn more and more about the healing and coaching process, about our minds, our energies, our emotions - and how they all interact.

And as my inner world changed, so did my outer world. I stopped my old destructive habits, and began to nurture the parts of my life that needed me. My business began to take off, I attracted new wonderful friends, and re-connected with my twin, my brothers and my parents. My life slowly began to fall into place.


TONY'S COACHING

The job of a good Coach is to allow you to come to your own conclusions, make your own decisions, and choose what is right for yourself. And that is exactly what Tony did. His greatest skill has been to help me believe and trust my instincts to achieve my potential. We are all born great, with unique gifts, talents and personalities - however many of us suppress our true selves and forget our dreams and desires. Drawing on his learnings from many avenues including his own life story, Tony empowered me to push my boundaries, transform my mind and release my inner self. 

Tony has a positive energy and a love for life and for others that is contagious. He is a loving, warm and kind man, and keen to help everyone he meets. He has inspired me in many ways to do the same: to inject love into everything I do, everything I see and everyone I meet. He has become one of my closest friends, a trusted companion and a fantastic business partner. 

However, if I were to name one of Tony’s top strengths, it would be his integrated and in-depth knowledge of both Coaching AND Healing. Through my own experience, I have realized how important they both are, in conjunction with one another. Any healing of the physical body is far more powerful when one can understand the root of the symptom in their subconscious, and make changes to their mindset through coaching. And coaching is far more powerful with the understanding of energy, vibrations and manifestation. 

Tony has been an avid learner for many years, and has done all kind of certifications (each with different initials and abbreviations !). Rather than sticking to one particular school of thought, he happily uses the best bits of each one, and tailors his approach depending on the situation. This integration of the mind and spirit has really opened up my eyes to the world around us, and has helped me transform the way I see my business, my training and my relationships. 

Of course, it goes without saying that I would wholeheartedly recommend Tony to anyone. I truly believe that everyone could benefit from a bit of coaching and healing, and that the world would be a better place if we all applied just 10% of what Tony can teach. 


START YOUR OWN JOURNEY

For me, Tony has been a fantastic catalyst for change, a great influence in my life, and an astounding friend. Thanks to him I have learnt to love, be loved, to express myself, and to reach for the stars. I have kickstarted an incredible transformation and have found my true self. I feel authentic, fulfilled and content - and so very excited about what the future will bring.

Looking into yourself and committing to your own personal growth is best thing you could ever do. Yes it will require some work. Yes it may be uncomfortable at times. And yes you may have many layers and issues to unravel. But the long-term reward you will get is immense, immeasurable, and most likely impossible to even imagine.

Happiness and fulfillment is inside of you. It may have been locked up by fears, doubts and insecurities - but it is within your grasp. I dare you to go find it. 

Will Pike - 30 January 2013

When it comes to traveling, I am lucky enough to have done my fair share. By the age of 24, I had lived in Buenos Aires, the Falklands, Salamanca, Barcelona, Bath and Manchester and spent time in South America and Africa. These trips were hugely formative and I am so grateful for having had the opportunity to do so (and especially for my parents bank account for the occasional top-up). However my recent trip to Vietnam and Cambodia, during which I cycled 500km for Parkinson’s UK, was an entirely new type of experience and adventure, which opened my eyes in many ways.

Of course, there were many highlights to the trip: the fantastic scenery, the amazing food, the cycling, the sunshine, etc. But what really made it was the people. The people we travelled with, but also the people we met along the way. 

Our group was composed of over 30 individuals ranging between 20 and 66 years old. Over the 12 day trip, I got to spend time with each and every one of them, from the cycling to the water stops via the dinners and sightseeing tours. A mini social experiment of sorts, in which I learnt a lot about myself, others and the human ability to connect.

I realized half way through our trip that I hadn’t been in similar social conditions since high school or university: a group of strangers coming together to spend every waking second in each others company. And what a group it was. A bunch of extremely positive, upbeat, happy people that were brought together with the common objective of giving their time, money and energy to help others. Each and every person had a different background, a different story, and a different reason for engaging in the adventure. Old, young, female, male, gay, straight, etc. All of us came together as a unit and formed great bonds throughout the trip.

Over the first few days, we slowly began to meet each other, and started to connect between ourselves. People started to open up, to share their experiences, backgrounds and opinions with the group. Throughout the 12 days, we discovered more and more about every single person, our personalities, behaviors and perceptions.

I quickly learnt to lose any expectation or judgement about anyone. When we meet someone, we instantly form a script, a picture and an idea of what that person is like, about their life and who they are. However every single person on the trip blew me away. People surprised me in many ways, and I learnt that each individual is special in their own unique way. As one person wrote upon his return to the UK: “Thank You to all of you for rejuvenating my belief in humankind.. You are all outstanding people.”

However the human connections we developed were not simply between ourselves. Through our cycling, we met hundreds if not thousands of people along the way. Children gathered at the sides of the roads, screaming Hello, shouting and smiling at us passing by. Their parents by their sides would smile, beaming genuine love and interest. Many people stopped to take pictures of the people, the children, and to interact with them, despite everyones limited knowledge of the others’ language. 

Simply by making eye contact, smiling and saying hello, we were able to connect with other human beings along the way. We were able to feel a bond, a connection, a similar human spirit. And we were able to send and receive genuine love without using words.

I strongly believe that everyone of us is dying to connect with others. When we walk on the street, all of us have the urge to reach out to those around us. It is natural. It is what we are designed to do. However in our society and our big city lives we have forgotten this. How many of us look at the ground, avoid the gaze of others as much as possible? When was the last time you met anyone on the tube? People are lacking that feeling of connectedness and love. A simple smile and eye contact is enough to change that. 

This trip has opened my eyes in many ways. I have understood how easy it is to connect with others once you release any expectation or pre-conceived opinions on people. I have realized how important it is to me to connect with everyone I meet, and to allow all kinds of people into my life. I have reinforced my belief that everyone is special, and has something unique and wonderful to offer the world. And above all, I have discovered the importance of a smile, the importance of making eye contact, and the importance of saying hello.

Will Pike – November 2012

Four more years. This powerful sentence, a record breaking tweet sent by Barack Obama and re-tweeted nearly a million times, has headlined newspapers around the world. These three words have become a symbol for hope, change, and freedom.

As the results of the 2012 US Presidential election were announced, you could practically hear the sigh of relief emanating from social networks and newspapers around the world. Relief that the voters had chosen to put their trust once again in Barack Obama, giving the Democrats the keys to the White House for another term.

For some, Obama was the lesser of two evils. But for me and for many people I know, he symbolises much more. He symbolises progress, the march of freedom, of equal rights, of social equality and democracy. He symbolises the inclusion of all minorities; as he said himself “It doesn’t matter whether you’re black or white or Hispanic or Asian or Native American or young or old or rich or poor, abled, disabled, gay or straight. You can make it (here) in America if you’re willing to try.”

This election was a first for many things. It was the first time a black President was re-elected to the White House. It was the first time an open supporter of gay rights was voted in. It was the first time that any President mentioned the word “gay” in a presidential victory speech. And for the first time on the same night, three states voted in favour of gay marriage and a fourth state made steps towards gay equality by rejecting an appeal to ban  it.

This series of first symbolises a new beginning and an important victory for gay rights campaigners across the States and as a repercussion: across the globe. Mankind has made a step into the future, a future in which everyone has the right to love and to marry the one they love, regardless of gender or sexuality. A small victory in global terms, but an important one nonetheless.

This election really has raised hope for many people, and confirmed that although divided, the US favours the path of democracy, freedom and equality. Of course, there is a lot of work to be done. Obama must overcome the political gridlock that is occurring and is putting a break on his promised plans. The next two years will be crucial for making the most of his time in the office, and staying true to the expectations he has set.

Many cynics will try and put a damper on the elections and their message. But many will refuse to focus on the negative, the fears, the doubts. Instead, they will find inspiration and hope in the results of the elections. And excitement, that indeed “the best is yet to come.”

Will Pike – November 2012

The universe works in wonderful ways. Last Sunday, I had the chance to spend an inspiring afternoon with my new friend Marc. Over a plate of runny eggs and too many coffees, our discussion floated to a deep open chat about our paths, our struggles and our insecurities. We realised how we had both felt out of place in our childhood, had both struggled with our identities and had both felt a disconnect with the world around us. And then, by luck, we selected a movie that beautifully and wonderfully represented all of what we had touched upon: The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

This funny, inspired, and heartfelt movie blew us both away. It follows the freshman year of Charlie, a troubled and quiet teenager who has had little interaction with people his age. He meets siblings Patrick and Sam, and as the plot unfolds, opens up and overcomes many of his struggles. The film touched us in many ways and struck a deep chord within both of us, for a few reasons;

It showed how we can feel like spectators of our own lives. Charlie, the main character, has had little interaction with other people. He is quiet, lost in his thoughts, trying to understand himself and his place in the world, by observing and analysing everything going on around him. For many people, that feeling can be a reality: insecurity, bad experiences or trauma fill them with fear or doubt: they don’t feel good enough to speak their opinions, to connect to others or to stand up for themselves. They feel unable to take action, to speak their thoughts and to take control of their lives. They observe the world around them to understand it better, rather than participating in it and living. They are, as the movie title hints, as a wallflower: they look out to the world from their fixed perspective, feeling disconnected and separate.

It showed how we can focus on others too much, forgetting to take care of our own selves. Charlie wants to make everyone around him happy, however he is unable to help himself. As children, we learn to validate our behaviours through the people around us: our parents, teachers, families. We learn to associate ourselves with external events and factors to make our decisions and formulate our opinions. But although many learn to disassociate themselves as thew grow older, some are still unable to trust their own judgements and their own instincts. Instead, they live their lives based on what they assume others may think and on how they may be perceived. They show love to people around them, however do not take care of themselves, do not follow their inner voice, do not follow their deepest desires. They spend their time and energy caring for others, for their families, friends or colleagues. They fail to take care of themselves, of their minds, their bodies and their spirits. They don’t understand what makes them tick, what makes them feel good, and what drives them.

It showed how we don’t always feel deserving of love. “We accept the love that we think we deserve”. One of the most memorable quotes from the movie, this simple sentence perfectly explains why many date the wrong people. They don’t feel worthy of love, don’t believe that love exists for them, don’t imagine being good enough. So they settle. They settle in the wrong relationships, with the wrong friends, in the wrong careers. At some point in our lives, we all feel unworthy and undeserving, and we let it affect us in many ways, at a conscious level but also at a subconscious one, letting people and events take advantage of us.

 It showed how we all have unique talents and gifts. Charlie discovers a great love for music, for reading and for writing. He is encouraged by his English teacher to follow his love for words and to write his own short stories and eventually, novels. We all have our own amazing talents, however many of us do not develop them. Instead we participate in activities, jobs and careers that help us to fit in, when in fact, we were born to stand out. How many people do you know that are actually following their dreams, that take time to do things they truly love doing, and use their gifts to help people around them?

It showed how we can glimpse at times at how amazing we are. Even the most unaware person can glimpse at times at how we are not the sad story that we tell ourselves. We all get moments like these in our lives: moments when we feel on top of the world, we feel amazing, we feel fulfilled. Many people find this fulfilment through external factors: relationships, food, alcohol, exercise, etc. In these cases, the feeling will be short lived. True long-term fulfilment comes from following your heart, being yourself, and making steps to create the life you want, in every single aspect of it.

THE PERKS OF BEING YOU
The feelings and emotions portrayed in the movie hit a deep chord in me. It felt very close to home, and am sure will do for a number of gay men. It reminded me of we can feel separate from those around us, our lives and the people we love. During our childhood and teenage years we observe from a distance and learn to fit in by adapting our personality and appearance. We keep a safe distance between ourselves and the rest of the world.

Some of us learn to validate ourselves by external signs of happiness: expensive clothes, a perfect body, financial success, lavish parties. We look at others to love us, to fill our own lack of self-love. We don’t always feel deserving: we subconsciously bring ourselves down for being who we are. Many gay men I know, including myself in the past, fall into the wrong relationships with the wrong people. We settle for a small portion of what we really want, because we don’t believe that we can or in fact are worthy of anything better.

However, we all have many magnificent gifts and talents. Us gay men have paved the way in many industries, many fields, many arts. We have developed a unique sense of self-deprecating humour and have shown the world an openness of mind that has helped shape our society. Each individual, gay or straight, male or female, has something to offer the world. It is up to you to take full advantage of it, to create your own unique niche, to be yourself. Once you let go of the need for external approval, of your fears and that you truly follow your heart, you will discover just how amazing you are.

WE ARE INFINITE
We left the cinema remembering what life was all about: about following your dreams, connecting to yourself and to others, and finding your fulfilment. We both realised how grateful we were to some of our close friends for showing us the way to find love within ourselves, and helping us see the love around us. In my case, my fantastic friend, Founder of The Velvet Journey, Tony, who helped kick start in me a will to create the life of my dreams: fulfilled, balanced, healthy and happy.

We are infinite. That is the one final message of the movie that encapsulates just how amazing each and every one of us are. We are all capable of great things, once we learn from our pasts and commit to a better future. As was said in the movie: “We can’t do anything about where we’ve come from. But we can do something about where we go from here.”

Will Pike – October 2012

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Tony and myself are running our “Be Yourself, Change Your World” 1-day workshop on Saturday the 3rd of November. We will cover many of the topics mentioned above: self-love, acceptance, confidence and direction, to help you create a life of your own design. For more information and to book your ticket, click here.

 WE ARE OUR FAMILIES

It’s a fact: our families shape us. We spend our early years in wonderful awe of the world we have come into; we soak up everything around us and create our perceptions of the world based on what we are told, see and hear. Then as we grow up, our own experiences add a new layer of beliefs and truths about the world and ourselves, which follow us and determine our feelings and behaviours.

As gay men, the relationship we have with our families can be a complex one. Many a family has been torn apart by a son or daughter coming out. I have met several men who were completely rejected by their own parents for being themselves, and expressing it. Of course, these are extreme and (luckily) rare cases – yet they go to show how non-acceptance of individuals leads to negativity and the breakdown of some families.

Yet this non-acceptance does not always come from the family itself: it can also be internalized within us. We live in a society with a history of hatred towards anything outside of the norm, and a background of sexism, racism and homophobia. Although times have changed and the world (especially the UK and London in particular) is becoming a more tolerant and integrated place, at a subconscious level such widespread negativity has had a damaging impact on a lot of gay men. Many, including myself, have had to struggle with the nagging feeling that they are not right, that they do not fit in, and that they cannot be themselves. And if we do not fully accept ourselves, how can we expect others to?

As such, being gay can have an effect on the way we feel, on the way we communicate, and on how we interact with our siblings and parents. I have recently realised for example that I pushed my family away throughout my teenage years and my early twenties. I wasn’t accepting myself, and therefore I could not accept my family for who they were. At the time, I blamed them for not being the family I thought I should have, for not having the relationship with them I would like, and for not being the kind of people I wanted them to be. Why? Because it was easier to blame them and to focus on their own failings and defaults, rather than face myself and my own.

MY OWN STORY

Indeed, since the age of 15 my twin brother and myself started to grow apart. We went to different high schools, studied different degrees, and started hanging out with different people. At the same time, my communication with my parents and other brothers (twins as well) hit a low point. In reality, I was struggling with who I was, and could not accept or understand my own gay thoughts and feelings: I wanted to be left alone.

Over the next decade these subconscious feelings remained, and got in the way of any normal interaction I could have had with my close family, and even with my twin. My drama-free coming out at the age of 21 was a milestone, and gave me a hint of what I would realise a few years later: that I had come from a truly loving and accepting family. However, at the time I was only just beginning to understand myself, and was deeply lacking in confidence, self-love and acceptance. And so I carried on my years of drifting, of feeling lost and unable to be or express myself.

It wasn’t until I met Tony at the age of 25 and started my own journey of self-discovery with him that I finally began to see clear. I realised that my behaviour towards my family had evolved not from them, but from our misunderstanding and miscommunication. And I understood that the only person that could re-build a loving relationship and open communication with my family was myself. 

And so I made the conscious decision to try harder: to call them more often, to demonstrate my love for them at every occasion, to appreciate them and to connect with them at a deeper level. Over the past two years, I have expressed my darker secrets, my thoughts, my feelings and emotions to them, sometimes in writing, sometimes in person. And they have listened with unconditional love. They have accepted every single part of myself, with no judgment whatsoever.  It wasn’t always easy; my old, dark feelings sometimes crept back and stopped me from being myself. However I have persevered, and things have changed in ways I thought unthinkable a few years back.

At the same time, through my own self-acceptance and self-love, I in turn learnt to accept them and to love them unconditionally. I learnt to appreciate what I have, and to be grateful for what I have been given. And I have discovered what amazing people they are. I am extremely proud of my parents, my twin, and my two younger twin brothers.

My twin got married a few weeks ago. Throughout the last few months, our family has been drawn closer and closer as we got together for a Stag weekend in Budapest, a pre-party at our home in France and the official wedding in Wigan. I believe the whole process was very healing for all of us. As we united as a family once again we came to understand our love and affection for each other, and how we have matured into loving, fun and warm individuals. For me, there is no easier way to express this than by showing you a video we filmed for the bride, while away on the Stag weekend:

My family has now become a very important part of my life. I feel grounded, safe and secure in the knowledge that I will always have them to support me wherever I go and whatever I do. I have also realised that I want to someday start a family of my own, and have started to look forward to the future family get-togethers, each with our respective partners and children. 

YOU HAVE THE BEST FAMILY IN THE WORLD

I wrote this article partly to express my joy, love and pride at being part of such a special family, and partly to inspire other gay men to re-connect to their own. Until a few months ago, I never realised how special my own family was. And I never appreciated how deeply my own actions could influence our development and unity.

It is because of experiences like these that I am so happy and proud to be a part of The Velvet Journey. The learnings and discoveries I have made over the years of coaching with Tony have helped me create a life that is truly fulfilled in every sense. And I am extremely excited to be able to help bring his method, his awareness and his love for others to a wider audience.

I believe that anyone can improve his or her own relation with her parents and siblings. For sure, it may take time, effort, patience and forgiveness. But it is worth it. Love overcomes anything in the long run. Communicate with love, show your appreciation, and express your feelings. As you accept and love yourself you will learn to accept and love everyone around you, for exactly who they are. And what if they are not as accepting as you would like? Accept and love them regardless, and be patient. Be grateful for what you have been given: they have helped shape you, are a part of you, and therefore deserve your love.

As one of my younger brothers said, we have “the best family in the world”. However, you do too. So take a minute to think right now how you have affected your family over the years. What could you do today to improve your relationship with them? What steps can you take to expressing your love for them and showing them your appreciation? The grass isn’t greener on the other side; it is greener where you water it. So fill your watering can with your own love, and pour it over your family, your friends and above all, your dreams.

Will Pike – October 2012

This year is passing by at breathtaking speed. Within a few weeks, we will be boarding a flight to Vietnam, where we will spend 8 days cycling between 70 and 95km a day to Cambodia, to support Parkinson’s UK.

Tony and myself are great believers in helping others: our own individual clients and friends, but also strangers on the tube or in the street. We both give our money and time to causes and people we believe in. This year, along with our friend Jenny, we have chosen to support Parkinson’s UK, as we all have had family members affected by the disease.

Our first major fundraising event, Part4Parkinsons (August) was a huge success. Local businesses were extremely generous, and we gave away over £6,000 worth of gifts during our raffle and auction, raising over £3,000 in the process! A few days ago we also ran a Spinathon at Gymbox Covent Garden: 3 hours of cycling earned us £300 in loose change from the endorphin-full gym-goers. And our next event, Quiz4Parkinsons on Thursday the 11th of October, already promises to be an evening to remember.

Wherever we have been going, everyone has been extremely generous. Whoever said that Charity was dead, has not been out lately: we have been overwhelmed by everyone’s response. The donations have kept coming; from our contacts, clients, friends and families, but also from strangers and people we have met on the street. Love is all around us: no matter whether gay, straight, male, female, we are all the same deep down. And we all enjoy giving to others.

With only a few weeks to go, we are stepping up our training and are spending time on the bike every day. As I write this, Jenny and Tony are braving the cold, rain and downright misery of the weather to cycle to Windsor and back as part of their training.  Luckily for us it promises to be fantastic weather in Vietnam and Cambodia!

With only a few weeks to go, we would love your help and support in achieving our fundraising goal, and making our dream a reality. To donate online, you may visit our Virgin Money Giving page. You may also donate via text: send a message to 70070, with the code VELV67 followed by your amount (£1 to £5 or £10.)

And for those of you that have already donated, we thank you once again from the bottom of our hearts.

Quiz4Parkinsons will be held on Thursday the 11th of October at The Crown Pub, on New Oxford Street, between 6pm and 10pm (Quiz starts at 7.30pm). Tickets are £10 at the door, and you may either come as a team of 4, or let us allocate you to a (hopefully winning) team.

Together we can make a difference!

Love and Health

Will – September 2012 

I recently was asked to support the London branch of Morgan McKinley for their Wellbeing week, and spent the day at their office assessing their staff and talking to them about the Sitting Syndrome. It was quite astonishing the little people knew about how their everyday posture and activities were affecting their bodies.

Our bodies are one amazing piece of machinery, full of pistons, levers, engines, structures and mechanisms that are designed to work in unison to do one thing: move. However, in the past half a century, with the rise of the service industry, our society has become increasingly sedentary, and people now spend 8 to 12 hours a day in a sitting position: at work, on public transport, and at home.

And this has a huge effect on our bodies. Below are a list of the most common symptoms, and some quick ways to assess yourself.

1. HUNCHED UPPER BODY
It is very common for desk workers to sit in a hunched position in front of the computer. It takes only 15mins for a muscle to start to shorten. So you can just imagine how tight your muscles get over the years! Most people that I assess have tightness in the upper chest and shoulders, in the biceps and forearms, and in the neck muscles. These cause people’s shoulders to hunch forward and their upper spine to round, leaving the muscles in the upper back overstretched and weak. This rounded posture has a name: the “Upper Cross Syndrome”.

Tightness around the neck, back and shoulders can lead to Repetitive Strain Injuries in the wrists and arms, or even shoulder or neck pains. To quickly assess your own posture: stand against a wall, with your feet together, and heels, buttocks, upper back and head touching the wall. Take a few deep breaths and relax. Ask a colleague to look at your alignment: the top of your shoulders should be in line with your earlobes and your shoulders should be at the same height.

2. WEAK CORE/TIGHT LOWER BACK
In a sitting position, our bodies are supported in a relaxed position; therefore the core muscles that are designed to support it become underactive and weak. Many people associate the 6-pack muscles with Core, however they are only a superficial muscle. Our bodies contain 4 layers of abdominal muscles, the most important of which is the deep Tranversus Abdominus (TA), a sheet of muscle going around the spine and organs, acting as a protective corset to support them during movement. However, through years of inactivity, many people have a weak TA muscle, poor core coordination, and an overactive and tight lower back.

To learn to engage your TA muscle: lie on your back with your knees bent at 90 degrees and feet on the floor. Inhale and push your belly button out, then exhale and draw your belly button in as far as you can, while keeping your lower back flat on the floor. Hold the bottom position for 10s, and then relax. Repeat the exercise 10 times each time. You may need to hold your breath at first, but with practice you will be able to breathe and add movement to the exercise. You will also be able to engage the TA muscles while exercising, walking or sitting at your desk.

3. WEAK GLUTES
Being sat down on our butts all day does have dire consequences for said butts. Indeed our bum muscles (glutes) are held in an overstretched position. Over time, this leads to weakness in the muscle, a lack of control, and in some case complete lack of activity.

Now, the glutes are very important: they are the biggest and strongest muscle in our bodies, and are designed to power our movements, protect our lower back, and to stabilize our trunk and leg muscles. They also assist the muscles of the upper thigh to absorb any impact on the knees. Poor glute strength can therefore be a huge cause of weakness and lack of stability in the knees.

To find out if your glutes are working correctly: lie on your back, with your knees bent at 90 degrees, your feet flat on the floor and your knees in line with your hips. Then lift your hips off the floor 15 times. Allow your body to use whichever muscles it wants. After a few reps check which muscles are working. If your glutes are firing correctly, you should feel them activating automatically. However for many people, the lower back or hamstrings will do all or most of the lifting. And even if your glutes are working, they probably still need strengthening. We all do.

4. TIGHT HIPS
In a sitting position, the muscles in the front of your thighs, ie. Quadriceps, Hip flexors, and IT bands (running down the side of your thighs from hip to knee) get very tight. Most people’s hips are in fact screamingly tight, from lack of activity, and from being placed day after day in an unnatural and cramped position.

To assess your hip flexibility: lie on your back with both legs straight. Pick up your right knee and pull it with both hands into your chest. If your extended leg pops up as your bent knee approaches your chest, you have tight hip flexors.

5. EXCESSIVE LOWER BACK CURVE
Through a combination of the above points many people develop what is called the “Lower Cross Syndrome”. Indeed, tight muscles in the lower back start pulling the back of the pelvis up, while tight hips pull the front of the pelvis down, leading to an anterior pelvic tilt and an excessive lower back curve.

An easy way to assess the curve in your lower back is to return to the postural assessment against the wall described in point 1., then to check how much space there is between your lower back and the wall. There should be just enough space to place your hand. If the space is wider, you have an excessive curve in the lower spine, most likely due to a combination of tight and weak muscles around the area.

To correct this, stretch your hips and lower back as often as you can, and strengthen your core and glute muscles. You can also do the following exercise daily: lie on your back, with your knees bent at 90 degrees, your feet flat on the floor and your knees in line with your hips. Tilt your pelvis forwards so that your lower back is pressed into the floor. Teach your body to hold that position for 2mins. Once you can do that easily, add some knee raises by bringing your knees (still bent at 90 degrees) into your chest, separately at first and then both knees at once when you are strong enough. Your main focus should remain your lower back: if you are unable to do the exercise without curving the lower back, regress to an easier version.

Regardless of how much you train, you must be aware of the effects of too much sitting. And regardless of your training goal, part of exercising should be to correct any tightness or weaknesses mentioned in the above paragraphs. Developing an awareness of the way you sit (and how much) are the first steps towards avoiding any injury or strain. Understanding that we are designed to move will lead to a healthy and active lifestyle. So get moving!

Will Pike – September 2012

As a Personal Trainer, the one thing I am asked the most is how someone can guarantee themselves results at the gym. Now of course these so-called “results” are very subjective. There are an infinity of goals to choose from: from the common “decrease my body fat” or “increase my muscle mass” to the more specific “improve my 5km run time”. And while I do not believe that exercise and training should purely be result-driven but rather a natural and enjoyable part of our lives, I am a great promoter of self-improvement. And by definition, of setting yourself a goal and working to achieve it.

1. Be clear about what you want

The number one step to achieving any goal is in fact to be clear about the goal itself. Indeed, how will you know what to work towards, or even when you have achieved it, if you have no idea of what you are seeking? Being able to explain and describe your goal is essential. And being as specific as you can will greatly increase your confidence in the outcome. Even better, visualise it: fast-forward to the near future, and see how you will feel, what situations you will be in, what experiences and thoughts you will have. How will you look, what clothes will you wear, how will your body feel? You can even ask your future self what steps you made to get there. Return to the same visualisation when you have doubts or lose your drive, and see what effect this has on your motivation and self-belief.

2. Learn how you achieve success

We all have a different approach to getting results. Understand how you achieve your success at work and in your career, then translate that to your training routine. You are at your best when you plan carefully and stick to a well-defined programme? Do the same with your exercise and eating: plan ahead, book your sessions and build your weekly menus in advance. You are successful by learning from others first? Get a Personal Trainer or train with an experienced gym-goer until you are able to develop your own workouts and eating plans. We all have different approaches, methods and ways of managing ourselves and our lives: find what works best for you.

3. Focus on small changes

When it comes to making changes to your lifestyle, less is more. For many people, trying to build too many new habits in one go will result in a sense of being overwhelmed, and eventually lead to failure. Instead, focussing on 1 or 2 changes at a time will seem more achievable. If a change looks too big, break it down into smaller steps. Want to be training five times a week? Start with two or three times for the first few weeks before gradually increasing. Want to be able to run 5km without stopping? Start by allowing yourself to walk when needed before gradually increasing the length of your runs.

4. Be flexible

Of course, no plan is fail-proof: life often gets in the way. Your relationship, job, friends or family will all at some point be a priority over your fitness regime. So you must learn to be flexible, and to allow for changes in your diary. If you need to cancel a training session, re-schedule it straight away, ideally for the next day or at the very least within the same week. Include weekends in your training days to give yourself more flexibility during your workweek. Learn some bodyweight exercises and a quick routine that you can fit in on days you cannot get to a gym. Even a 15min run is better than nothing: absolutely everything counts towards your goal.

5. Stay committed

The key to achieving any goal and overcoming any obstacle is commitment. Make your fitness goals one of your top priorities for a while, and take the conscious decision to make the right choices everyday. You are the only person that is able to make the changes: take full responsibility for your actions, commit to your goal and maintain a high level of discipline. Remind yourself of the reasons behind your goal, and keep at it.

6. Reinforce positive action

Finally, in order to stay on the right track, it is important not to let the times you sway off-course cloud your judgement. It is very easy to get hung-up on the bowl of chips we had for dinner, the big night out we had by “mistake” or the morning jog we skipped for a lie-in. However, avoid any sense of regret or judgement, which can easily lead to the undoing of all the good decisions you made so far. Instead, congratulate yourself for taking positive action: give yourself a mental pat on the back every time you make a step in the right direction. Surround yourself with people that will do the same, that will support you and provide positive feedback, and will add to your commitment and determination to achieving your fitness goals. 

Will Pike – 28th August 2012

London 2012 is upon us. After years of preparation, hype and excitement, thousands of athletes have arrived in our hometown for the Greatest Show on Earth. And what a show it is. The opening ceremony was an uplifting, dizzying, electrifying presentation of British culture at its best. After the clinical and soulless (yet awe-inspiring) Beijing ceremony, Danny Boyle gave us a show full of creativity, humor and inspiration. It wasn’t perfect, no. But what it lacked in execution it made up for tenfold in energy. It was a labor of love, and it showed.

Of course, like any big event there is huge money involved, mistakes are made, and politics can be a bit shady. But when the competition is stripped down to the athletes, the nail-biting moments, and the raw emotions, we are able to see an impressive display of the best human qualities. If there is one thing that these modern Olympics are shaping up to be, it is just that: a show of love, of inspiration, of commitment, of dedication, of friendship and team spirit.

At the same time, the Olympics are a celebration of movement and of the human body at its best. They are an ode to exercise, to sport and to training. A whole generation is watching as men and women encourage their bodies to reach its maximum, to be faster, stronger, and more agile than ever before. Seconds are shaved off World Records as Olympians demonstrate the power, strength and sheer awesomeness of the human body and mind working in full harmony.

In turn, we can hope that this will have a positive impact on those watching.  Indeed, our society is increasingly sedentary: we sit at work, on the tube, and at home. Most people have developed a negative perception of movement and exercise; they associate it with pain, discomfort and hard work. When I ask my clients why they have adverse feelings towards exercise, most of them trace it back to humiliating PE classes at school. Sound familiar? So when a show like the Olympics comes to town, will it encourage people, young and old alike, to try something new, to move their bodies, and to develop better feelings towards exercise? Will it remind us all that, regardless of nationality, sexuality, gender or political discourse, we all have exactly the same bodies? I sure hope so. What do you think?

Will Pike

1st August 2012