This year is passing by at breathtaking speed. Within a few weeks, we will be boarding a flight to Vietnam, where we will spend 8 days cycling between 70 and 95km a day to Cambodia, to support Parkinson’s UK.

Tony and myself are great believers in helping others: our own individual clients and friends, but also strangers on the tube or in the street. We both give our money and time to causes and people we believe in. This year, along with our friend Jenny, we have chosen to support Parkinson’s UK, as we all have had family members affected by the disease.

Our first major fundraising event, Part4Parkinsons (August) was a huge success. Local businesses were extremely generous, and we gave away over £6,000 worth of gifts during our raffle and auction, raising over £3,000 in the process! A few days ago we also ran a Spinathon at Gymbox Covent Garden: 3 hours of cycling earned us £300 in loose change from the endorphin-full gym-goers. And our next event, Quiz4Parkinsons on Thursday the 11th of October, already promises to be an evening to remember.

Wherever we have been going, everyone has been extremely generous. Whoever said that Charity was dead, has not been out lately: we have been overwhelmed by everyone’s response. The donations have kept coming; from our contacts, clients, friends and families, but also from strangers and people we have met on the street. Love is all around us: no matter whether gay, straight, male, female, we are all the same deep down. And we all enjoy giving to others.

With only a few weeks to go, we are stepping up our training and are spending time on the bike every day. As I write this, Jenny and Tony are braving the cold, rain and downright misery of the weather to cycle to Windsor and back as part of their training.  Luckily for us it promises to be fantastic weather in Vietnam and Cambodia!

With only a few weeks to go, we would love your help and support in achieving our fundraising goal, and making our dream a reality. To donate online, you may visit our Virgin Money Giving page. You may also donate via text: send a message to 70070, with the code VELV67 followed by your amount (£1 to £5 or £10.)

And for those of you that have already donated, we thank you once again from the bottom of our hearts.

Quiz4Parkinsons will be held on Thursday the 11th of October at The Crown Pub, on New Oxford Street, between 6pm and 10pm (Quiz starts at 7.30pm). Tickets are £10 at the door, and you may either come as a team of 4, or let us allocate you to a (hopefully winning) team.

Together we can make a difference!

Love and Health

Will – September 2012 

How does one argue with love, is there such a way to argue with someone?

I come across situations like this in my everyday life, one rightly so has the right to express their thoughts and feelings about something they truly believe is the right or the wrong thing. Where does this need to be right, to be heard, to argue etc comes from?

I notice it in my own thoughts, with people I love, with people I work with, family, friends, clients, socially, it seems to be all around us.

This inspiration to write this article came to me after an interesting conversation with my business partners and after a birthday dinner of a very close friend of mine during which some intense arguments started by simply one statement being made by a person on the table.

What happened is that after we all left, with two of my good friends that were staying with me we took a walk to Pimlico.  I and another good friend of mine continued this conversation, whilst our third friend remained silent all the way.

At some point I was curious to why he has not said anything, and asked him his thoughts about our conversation and the evening? His answer was that he found it difficult to have a voice when two people argue their points about something….

If you are like me and my friend Leon you most likely are so used to this style of communication and you don’t take it to heart when we agree to disagree, we grew up in a culture where everyone can talk at the same time and we still understand each other and don’t find it rude.

In my experience most people don’t like to fight or argue, and with good reason too, it can leave you with some very powerful negative emotions, such as hate and anger.

The simple truth is that we are all going to end up having fights and arguments throughout our lives. To think otherwise would be self-delusional!

My advice is that it makes more sense to be prepared for it rather than to pretend it’s never going to happen.

I don’t mean that you should always anticipating a fight and be thinking about your tactics. That would be attracting it into your life, and that’s not a good thing.

What I do mean is, having a strategy so that it can help you reduce or eliminate the negative emotions that often result from the fight, debate and arguing.

Here are 4 steps that will help you do that:

1. Respect yourself; this will help you respect the other person’s opinion.

Keep in mind that the other person’s opinion is very important to them. It’s not something that they are going to give up just because you disagree with it.

By doing this it will help you to remain less emotional and more rational. And that’s a big key to eliminating the negative emotions that come from fighting, arguing and debating.

2. The other person is always right!

This tends to help your state of being, if you can take that position from the onset of any disagreement, then you’ll be able to understand why they have a different opinion to you.

Put yourself in their shoes for just a few minutes and really try and learn why they think that way, instead of using your perceptual filters and being judgmental, be curious.

You don’t have to agree with them; although you have a choice to understand why they think that way, it will keep the emotions a lot lower.

A word of caution here – Don’t just listen to them and then tell them why they are wrong, one can learn a lot if you truly try to understand why they might be right.

It will create an enormous amount of respect from them, for you. And that’s going to help a lot when you put your thoughts forward.

3. Don’t accept abusive or disrespectful language, you always have a choice to walk away

This goes both ways, you shouldn’t use it and you shouldn’t accept it from them.

If you feel you are getting too emotional, then let the other person know and ask them if it’s ok to finish the conversation a little later.

That gives you time to calm down and think rationally about the argument.

If they get abusive or disrespectful, explain to them that the agreement is too emotional and you’d like to continue it when they have calmed down.

4. Open your heart and send love energy to the people or the person you are having a disagreement or agreement, love is infectious

Whilst at times it can be difficult to love someone through and argument, the question I have for you is what feels better to love, or to judge and hate? Love energy always has a higher vibration, it is better for our own wellbeing as well as people we love or we work with.

Keep sending them love, smiles, I often experience through my clients how their ego gets smaller and the love takes over and we end up with a hug, a smile and feeling great about clearing the resistance that we ourselves create.

PLEASE NOTE: These tips are for dealing with most normal arguments. If you are in a physically abusive situation, then seek professional help right now, before any more arguments take place.

There is really no excuse for verbal abuse, and certainly there isn’t any excuse for physical abuse.

If you change the way you think about something, the thing you are thinking changes! We are all energy being that come from the same source that created us all, love one another.

Whats your strategy, send me your comments. To learn how to understand the difference it makes when you communicate with confidence and love, join me on the 20th October I am running a powerful workshop.

In Peace, Empowerment and Prosperity

©Tony J Selimi

I recently was asked to support the London branch of Morgan McKinley for their Wellbeing week, and spent the day at their office assessing their staff and talking to them about the Sitting Syndrome. It was quite astonishing the little people knew about how their everyday posture and activities were affecting their bodies.

Our bodies are one amazing piece of machinery, full of pistons, levers, engines, structures and mechanisms that are designed to work in unison to do one thing: move. However, in the past half a century, with the rise of the service industry, our society has become increasingly sedentary, and people now spend 8 to 12 hours a day in a sitting position: at work, on public transport, and at home.

And this has a huge effect on our bodies. Below are a list of the most common symptoms, and some quick ways to assess yourself.

1. HUNCHED UPPER BODY
It is very common for desk workers to sit in a hunched position in front of the computer. It takes only 15mins for a muscle to start to shorten. So you can just imagine how tight your muscles get over the years! Most people that I assess have tightness in the upper chest and shoulders, in the biceps and forearms, and in the neck muscles. These cause people’s shoulders to hunch forward and their upper spine to round, leaving the muscles in the upper back overstretched and weak. This rounded posture has a name: the “Upper Cross Syndrome”.

Tightness around the neck, back and shoulders can lead to Repetitive Strain Injuries in the wrists and arms, or even shoulder or neck pains. To quickly assess your own posture: stand against a wall, with your feet together, and heels, buttocks, upper back and head touching the wall. Take a few deep breaths and relax. Ask a colleague to look at your alignment: the top of your shoulders should be in line with your earlobes and your shoulders should be at the same height.

2. WEAK CORE/TIGHT LOWER BACK
In a sitting position, our bodies are supported in a relaxed position; therefore the core muscles that are designed to support it become underactive and weak. Many people associate the 6-pack muscles with Core, however they are only a superficial muscle. Our bodies contain 4 layers of abdominal muscles, the most important of which is the deep Tranversus Abdominus (TA), a sheet of muscle going around the spine and organs, acting as a protective corset to support them during movement. However, through years of inactivity, many people have a weak TA muscle, poor core coordination, and an overactive and tight lower back.

To learn to engage your TA muscle: lie on your back with your knees bent at 90 degrees and feet on the floor. Inhale and push your belly button out, then exhale and draw your belly button in as far as you can, while keeping your lower back flat on the floor. Hold the bottom position for 10s, and then relax. Repeat the exercise 10 times each time. You may need to hold your breath at first, but with practice you will be able to breathe and add movement to the exercise. You will also be able to engage the TA muscles while exercising, walking or sitting at your desk.

3. WEAK GLUTES
Being sat down on our butts all day does have dire consequences for said butts. Indeed our bum muscles (glutes) are held in an overstretched position. Over time, this leads to weakness in the muscle, a lack of control, and in some case complete lack of activity.

Now, the glutes are very important: they are the biggest and strongest muscle in our bodies, and are designed to power our movements, protect our lower back, and to stabilize our trunk and leg muscles. They also assist the muscles of the upper thigh to absorb any impact on the knees. Poor glute strength can therefore be a huge cause of weakness and lack of stability in the knees.

To find out if your glutes are working correctly: lie on your back, with your knees bent at 90 degrees, your feet flat on the floor and your knees in line with your hips. Then lift your hips off the floor 15 times. Allow your body to use whichever muscles it wants. After a few reps check which muscles are working. If your glutes are firing correctly, you should feel them activating automatically. However for many people, the lower back or hamstrings will do all or most of the lifting. And even if your glutes are working, they probably still need strengthening. We all do.

4. TIGHT HIPS
In a sitting position, the muscles in the front of your thighs, ie. Quadriceps, Hip flexors, and IT bands (running down the side of your thighs from hip to knee) get very tight. Most people’s hips are in fact screamingly tight, from lack of activity, and from being placed day after day in an unnatural and cramped position.

To assess your hip flexibility: lie on your back with both legs straight. Pick up your right knee and pull it with both hands into your chest. If your extended leg pops up as your bent knee approaches your chest, you have tight hip flexors.

5. EXCESSIVE LOWER BACK CURVE
Through a combination of the above points many people develop what is called the “Lower Cross Syndrome”. Indeed, tight muscles in the lower back start pulling the back of the pelvis up, while tight hips pull the front of the pelvis down, leading to an anterior pelvic tilt and an excessive lower back curve.

An easy way to assess the curve in your lower back is to return to the postural assessment against the wall described in point 1., then to check how much space there is between your lower back and the wall. There should be just enough space to place your hand. If the space is wider, you have an excessive curve in the lower spine, most likely due to a combination of tight and weak muscles around the area.

To correct this, stretch your hips and lower back as often as you can, and strengthen your core and glute muscles. You can also do the following exercise daily: lie on your back, with your knees bent at 90 degrees, your feet flat on the floor and your knees in line with your hips. Tilt your pelvis forwards so that your lower back is pressed into the floor. Teach your body to hold that position for 2mins. Once you can do that easily, add some knee raises by bringing your knees (still bent at 90 degrees) into your chest, separately at first and then both knees at once when you are strong enough. Your main focus should remain your lower back: if you are unable to do the exercise without curving the lower back, regress to an easier version.

Regardless of how much you train, you must be aware of the effects of too much sitting. And regardless of your training goal, part of exercising should be to correct any tightness or weaknesses mentioned in the above paragraphs. Developing an awareness of the way you sit (and how much) are the first steps towards avoiding any injury or strain. Understanding that we are designed to move will lead to a healthy and active lifestyle. So get moving!

Will Pike – September 2012

I hear it over and over again from clients, from friends, colleagues, family and sometimes even in my own head that, no matter what we do or how hard we try, stuff just happens in our lives that has the potential to create negative self talk and generate negative emotions.

Over the years i learned many mind empowering techniques that no matter what is happening around me it helped me remain in the state of happiness, value life even more and appreciate everything about life including the trigger that has the potential to push me towards negative emotions.

So, i thought to myself  why don’t i  create a simply plan for you to implement when it happens to you. I have one, and I call it my “happiness plan”, when something happens that causes me to begin to feel some negative emotions or start some negative self talk, I move directly to my  happiness plan.



You might wonder what is this? It’s actually a very simple technique that subconsciously we all do it at some point in our lives, it is only a list of things that I can do in any given situation that will lift my spirits and turn me in a positive direction. 

Here’s my favourite 4 things.

1. Smile, the old proverbs use it a lot, often they do say, smile breaks the ice, indeed it does, i smile at people I don’t know (as well as people that I do know), it is amazing to observe and receive smile back, we use it in our text messages, we use it every where, do more of it. Smile at yourself in a given situation and see those tensions disappear straight away

2. Do something that you love doing, go for a walk in a park and look, listen, smell and touch as much of nature as you possibly can. You’ll be amazed at how well this works, especially if you can think about how incredibly complex and beautiful it is.

3. I put something funny on TV, or i go to a comedy club,  tend to listen to my favourite comedian, who is yours? I usually have a couple of recordings on my iPad.  This is an easy one. Go to YouTube and search funny videos, then share your favourite with a friend. This is another easy one.

4. Surround yourself with happy people, we can not change others, although we can change the choice we have to be in others peoples presence or not, identify one friend who always makes you smile, no matter what you do, feel or experience. 
Any one of these will break the pattern of negativity and lift your energy.

Be creative, create your plan, have it ready to go, and use as often as you need to, you can never get enough of 
being happy 

Warmly
Tony J Selimi 
Energetics Life Coaching

Lets start by understanding what Fear does to you, Fear is the mind’s attempt to protect you against harm.  We just like animals we have our instinct to help us do that, we use fear for any perceived threat real or imagined.

Fear creates many patterns for you including limiting beliefs and roadblocks to travel towards the success island. In order to turn fear into a powerful tool all you need to do is learn to tell the difference! Once you know whether the fear is real or imagined you can learn to plot a course around it, resolve the fear or understand why it is important.

In order to turn fear into a powerful tool all you need to do is learn to tell the difference! Once you know whether the fear is real or imagined you can learn to plot a course around it, resolve the fear or understand why it is important.

Fear does serve a purpose for you and harnessed properly can become a powerful tool.  By making a simple shift in how fear exists in your life you will inherently overcome a whole set of roadblocks that has previously stopped you.

Through this simple process you can now take what was once a roadblock or limitation and use it as a guide for removing them.  Any time you feel afraid you can use your tools to identify, learn from and transmute the fear from something that stops you to something that moves you forward!

The fear of failure is perhaps the strongest force holding people below their potential. In a world full of uncertainty, a delicate economy, and countless misfortunes that could happen to anyone, it’s easy to see why most people are inclined to play it safe.

But playing it safe has risk as well. If you never dare to fail your success will have a low ceiling. Most people underestimate their merit and ability to recover from failure, leading them to pass up valuable opportunities. The ability to fail big and fail often has been a mark of the spectacularly successful throughout history.

The following strategies will help you put risk and reward in perspective so you can overcome the fear of failure.

1. Consider the cost of missed opportunities – The biggest risk that people fail to consider is the benefit they lose by avoiding high risk/high reward opportunities. The ideal career contains a wide range of job opportunities (some risky, some safe) that combine to form a relatively safe career with a high potential for growth. Taking high risk opportunities is essential because they offer the greatest reward:

The issue is that without taking risk, you can’t exploit any opportunities. You can live a quiet and reasonably happy life, but you are unlikely to create something new, and you are unlikely to make your mark on the world.

2. Research the alternatives – The unknown is a major source of fear. When you don’t know what you’re dealing with, potential consequences seem far worse than they actually are. Take the power out fear by understanding it. Research all the potential outcomes (both good and bad) so you genuinely understand the risk of failure and benefits of success. Analyzing these outcomes will help you see through the fear of failure and make a logical decision.

3. Put the worst-case scenario in perspective – One of the most powerful questions posed is: If you chase your dreams and fall flat on your face, worst-case scenario, how long will it take you to recover? The answer is probably less than you expect.

How hard would it really be to find another job? Chances are you could recover completely in a few months. Is the fear of a few rough months strong enough to keep you in a mediocre situation indefinitely?

4. Understand the benefits of failure – As Emerson said, life is a series of experiments, the more you make the better. Each failure is a trial in an experiment and an opportunity for growth. Even if a failure costs you financially, the educational benefits can far outweigh the loss. Working for a startup instead of a big company is considered risky, , “Managers at big companies prefer to hire someone who’d tried to start a startup and failed over someone who’d spent the same time working at a big company.” Maybe that experience at a big company isn’t as safe or as valuable as you think?

5. Make a contingency plan – Another way to overcome the fear of failure is to reduce the downside. Hedge your risk by creating a contingency plan. Even if your first option fails, you can maintain the status quo with a solid backup plan. Daring to fail doesn’t mean you have to risk losing it all. If you manage risk intelligently, you can capture the benefits of high risk opportunities while leaving yourself a safety net.

6. Take action – The best way to reduce fear and build confidence is taking action. As soon as you do, you’ll begin accumulating experience and knowledge. Everything is hardest the first time. It’s like jumping off a cliff into a lake — after you do it once, you see that the water is safe and each time afterwards is easy. Start off with small steps and build up your confidence until the fear of failure is manageable.

7. Burn the boats - When ancient Greek armies traveled across the sea to do battle, the first thing they would do after landing was to burn the boats, leaving them stranded. With no way to make it home besides victory, the resolve of the soldiers was strengthened. When success and failure are the only options, you have no choice but to follow through.

If you have a goal, but are afraid to commit, force yourself into action by burning the boats. Register for an exam in advance if you want to go back to school. Set a deadline to move to a new city without signing a lease. Fear of failure disappears when you realize it can’t save you.

Send me your success strategy, what fear did you over come and how did you inspire yourself?

Check out Fear to Freedom http://www.thevelvetjourney.com/workshops/feartofreedom/

By Tony J Selimi, Transformational Life Coach and Chakra Healer

“Peace of mind comes when your life is in harmony with true principles and values and in no other way.”  ~ Stephen Covey

“There’s this illusion that homosexuals have sex and heterosexuals fall in love. That’s completely untrue. Everybody wants to be loved.” ~ Boy George

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” ~ Dr. Seuss





“It seems to me that the real clue to your sexual orientation lies in your romantic feelings rather than your sexual feelings. If you are really gay, you are able to fall in love with a man, not just enjoy sex with him.” ~ Christopher Isherwood



“Of all the creatures of earth, only human beings can change their patterns. Man alone is the architect of his destiny. Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.” ~ William James



“A world of abundance surrounds you, if only you will step up and claim it. Make life happen through you rather than letting it happen to you. It will make all the difference in the world.” ~Ralph Marston



“If you are ashamed to stand by your colors, you had better seek another flag.”
~ Anonymous



“A human being is a part of a whole, called by us _universe_, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest… a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” ~ Albert Einstein



“The important thing is not the object of love, but the emotion itself.” ~ Gore Vidal



“Happiness is not a matter of good fortune or wordly possessions. It’s a mental attitude. It comes from appreciating what we have, instead of being miserable about what we do not have. It’s so simple, yet so hard for the human mind to comprehend.” ~ John Luther



“Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate. You make yourself unhappy” ~ Wayne Dyer



“Good character is more to be praised than outstanding talent. Most talents are to some extent a gift. Good character, by contrast, is not given to us. We have to build it piece by piece by thought, choice, courage and determination.” ~ John Luther



“If I accept you as you are, I will make you worse; however, if I treat you as though you are what you are capable of becoming, I help you become that.”                 ~ Johann von Goethe



“As long as society is anti-gay, then it will seem like being gay is anti-social.”
~ Joseph Francis



“You have a wisdom inside you – listen for it. You have a light inside you – feel its glow. You have the power to speak and act and make things manifest in the world – let your wisdom and light guide you as you do.” ~ Michael Neill



“I can never be what I ought to be, until you are what you ought to be.”  ~ Martin Luther King



“Some people see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not?”  ~ George Bernard Shaw



“If you’re going to be passionate about something, be passionate about learning. If you’re going to fight something, fight for those in need. If you’re going to question something, question authority. If you’re going to lose something, lose your inhibitions. If you’re going to gain something, gain respect and confidence. And if you’re going to hate something, hate the false idea that you are not capable of your dreams.” ~ Daniel Golston



“Homosexuality is God’s way of insuring that the truly gifted aren’t burdened with children.”~ Sam Austin



“Everybody’s journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality.”~ James Baldwin



“When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one.”~ Leonard P. Matlovich



“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.” ~Harvey Fierstein



“Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?” ~ Ernest Gaines