I come across situations like this in my everyday life, one rightly so has the right to express their thoughts and feelings about something they truly believe is the right or the wrong thing. Where does this need to be right, to be heard, to argue etc comes from?
I notice it in my own thoughts, with people I love, with people I work with, family, friends, clients, socially, it seems to be all around us.
This inspiration to write this article came to me after an interesting conversation with my business partners and after a birthday dinner of a very close friend of mine during which some intense arguments started by simply one statement being made by a person on the table.
What happened is that after we all left, with two of my good friends that were staying with me we took a walk to Pimlico. I and another good friend of mine continued this conversation, whilst our third friend remained silent all the way.
At some point I was curious to why he has not said anything, and asked him his thoughts about our conversation and the evening? His answer was that he found it difficult to have a voice when two people argue their points about something….
If you are like me and my friend Leon you most likely are so used to this style of communication and you don’t take it to heart when we agree to disagree, we grew up in a culture where everyone can talk at the same time and we still understand each other and don’t find it rude.
In my experience most people don’t like to fight or argue, and with good reason too, it can leave you with some very powerful negative emotions, such as hate and anger.
The simple truth is that we are all going to end up having fights and arguments throughout our lives. To think otherwise would be self-delusional!
My advice is that it makes more sense to be prepared for it rather than to pretend it’s never going to happen.
I don’t mean that you should always anticipating a fight and be thinking about your tactics. That would be attracting it into your life, and that’s not a good thing.
What I do mean is, having a strategy so that it can help you reduce or eliminate the negative emotions that often result from the fight, debate and arguing.
Here are 4 steps that will help you do that:
1. Respect yourself; this will help you respect the other person’s opinion.
Keep in mind that the other person’s opinion is very important to them. It’s not something that they are going to give up just because you disagree with it.
By doing this it will help you to remain less emotional and more rational. And that’s a big key to eliminating the negative emotions that come from fighting, arguing and debating.
2. The other person is always right!
This tends to help your state of being, if you can take that position from the onset of any disagreement, then you’ll be able to understand why they have a different opinion to you.
Put yourself in their shoes for just a few minutes and really try and learn why they think that way, instead of using your perceptual filters and being judgmental, be curious.
You don’t have to agree with them; although you have a choice to understand why they think that way, it will keep the emotions a lot lower.
A word of caution here – Don’t just listen to them and then tell them why they are wrong, one can learn a lot if you truly try to understand why they might be right.
It will create an enormous amount of respect from them, for you. And that’s going to help a lot when you put your thoughts forward.
3. Don’t accept abusive or disrespectful language, you always have a choice to walk away
This goes both ways, you shouldn’t use it and you shouldn’t accept it from them.
If you feel you are getting too emotional, then let the other person know and ask them if it’s ok to finish the conversation a little later.
That gives you time to calm down and think rationally about the argument.
If they get abusive or disrespectful, explain to them that the agreement is too emotional and you’d like to continue it when they have calmed down.
4. Open your heart and send love energy to the people or the person you are having a disagreement or agreement, love is infectious
Whilst at times it can be difficult to love someone through and argument, the question I have for you is what feels better to love, or to judge and hate? Love energy always has a higher vibration, it is better for our own wellbeing as well as people we love or we work with.
Keep sending them love, smiles, I often experience through my clients how their ego gets smaller and the love takes over and we end up with a hug, a smile and feeling great about clearing the resistance that we ourselves create.
PLEASE NOTE: These tips are for dealing with most normal arguments. If you are in a physically abusive situation, then seek professional help right now, before any more arguments take place.
There is really no excuse for verbal abuse, and certainly there isn’t any excuse for physical abuse.
If you change the way you think about something, the thing you are thinking changes! We are all energy being that come from the same source that created us all, love one another.
Whats your strategy, send me your comments. To learn how to understand the difference it makes when you communicate with confidence and love, join me on the 20th October I am running a powerful workshop.
In Peace, Empowerment and Prosperity
©Tony J Selimi