Communicate?Not having good communication skills can have a negative effect on our well being, can lead to frustration, anger, arguments, the feeling of being disconnected and not being able to express love.
Men with the ability and confidence to communicate effectively are more likely to successfully negotiate anything they want. Lacking the confidence to say ‘no’ to the things we don’t want can lead to sabotaging of living a happy, fulfilling and successful lives.
Communication is more than the words we speak. Communication is about who we are and how we express ourselves and relate to the world. Communication is the message we deliver through non-verbal as well as verbal means. Communication is the ultimate expression of who we are.
Let me share with you my 4 top secrets i use constantly to help my clients to communicate their wants and needs from place of love. Experiment with these ideas to begin to experience communication with love and life more powerfully.
This post is written for Gaydio and to help its listeners to help them overcome post Easter holiday blues, get you all motivated and inspired.
Let me start with my favourite quote:
“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama
Personally, I don't I don’t dwell on things I can’t control, I have realistic expectations of myself, I've learned overtime that trying to change things or situations presented to me from the outside world including people is futile, and overtime I’ve come to appreciate some of my flaws and simply choose to live my best life and be present in the moment. But sometimes, melancholy finds me. Like a thick fog that threatens to shroud a picturesque skyline, it creeps up seemingly out of nowhere until I can no longer ignore it, after all i tell myself enjoy it.
Beating the post-holiday blahs happens to even the most enthusiastic, devoted, successful entrepreneur. It's Tuesday, Easter bank holiday already behind us, and for most of you in spite of your best efforts, you have lost momentum and are off your game.It’s a well-known fact that the holidays bring on the blues. According to the National Mental Health Association, reasons for feeling blue around the holidays range from fatigue to financial limitations to tensions in personal relationships.What an we do coping with work after coming back off holidays? There is a lot to deal once the time of calmness, relaxing, eating, feeling free passes, we have to deal with our mental clutter, our fears, relationship
problems, social and family demands, and all de deadlines at work, the e-mails , the meetings, etc.
You go into your office, you stare at the pile of work, the unanswered emails, the phone calls you know you need to make and it all looks so overwhelming. The rush of the holidays, out-of-town guests, extreme highs or lows in business volume and suddenly, you are behind in everything. Worse yet, you aren't really motivated to get started again. Many of us half-heartedly begin with something and then quit early and feel lousy about ourselves.
But going to back to work after a long vacation is never really easy. It takes an iron hand to drag you out of your bed in the morning of Monday. So here are the tips that I hope could help you motivate yourself to go back to work with a positive attitude.
Admit it, you don’t want to go to work…
It has been the longest day-off so far. Your mind is still anchored on Easter Bank Holiday, and you refuse to believe that Tuesday is back to reality. No matter how workaholic you are, you still value time for a break, either for a week or several days. We deserve and our body and mind needs a break from time to time to re charge, reflect and rest. If you continue to adhere or attach to your work 24/7 you’ll never succeed. We need a hiatus or hibernation for us to get another supply of energy and detoxify ourselves from stress, pollution and negative vibes.
But, as I have done it many times in the past, I’ve learned not to let all the above take over,
personally I have adopted one belief to help me with this: for every problem in my life there is a great solution and during that journey of finding it i am going to be playful, curious and be happy that the opportunity was presented to me to learn and experience life. Like everything else in life it’s not easy to do at first but, as always, a little effort goes a long way, practice makes perfect. Here are my 12 Secrets
to get yourself back in the groove, excited again about your work, business, or simply your day to day life.
What is sleep?
In spite of the fact that we spend around a third of our lives asleep, sleep is something that we often take for granted until we are unable to do it. The amount of sleep each individual needs varies throughout their life. Babies and young children need a lot more sleep than older adults.
Many people find that by the time they reach their 60's or 70's, the amount of sleep they need has dropped by up to several hours a day. The average time we sleep is often said to be about eight hours but this is only true for some people. There is a wide normal healthy sleep range. Some people sleep only four to six hours a day whereas others can sleep for as many as 10 or 12 hours a day. Both extremes are quite normal. Why do we need sleep?
Sleep is so essential for your physical and mental well-being that you spend around a third of your life in bed! Sleep is a necessary part of life, however studies have shown that most people do not need very much sleep at all to be physically and mentally healthy. In Sleep research laboratories, it has been found that many people who suffer from insomnia actually sleep far more than they think.
Sometimes people who are actually sleeping and are in a light level of sleep can actually be dreaming that they are awake
. This information may help allay fears that you are not sleeping at all. It is also important to know that sleep deprivation does not
have catastrophic impacts on the brain or body. It is possible to function effectively with very little sleep each night.What is insomnia and sleep disturbance? Insomnia
, or inability to sleep, is something that many people notice from time to time. Insomnia may start after an isolated incident or an upsetting life event, or it can be related to a feature of a person’s lifestyle. Various factors in your current life can worsen sleep and cause insomnia. Sleep
disturbance is the perception of difficulty falling asleep, or in maintaining an adequate amount of sleep. You may wake up earlier than you would like, and the sleep you do achieve is not refreshing.
At times, sleep can be disrupted for a variety of different reasons – often this occurs when you’re feeling worried or stressed. Worrying or panicking about the consequences of not sleeping is also very common. One of the most common fears that i come across either in my Fear 2 Freedom
workshop or when coaching
clients are that the person’s performance at home or at work will plummet.
Sometimes the person fears that they will become irritable and unable to cope. Sometimes they worry that either their brain or their body will be harmed by a lack of sleep. It may last just a few days (eg jetlag) or a few weeks (eg exam stress, redundancy, break up of relationship, grief, etc) but when it is due to anxiety, sleep difficulties can last for several weeks.
Though many roads lead to the Path, essentially there are only three: reason, practice and being happy.
Today the focus in this article will be on happiness, what is it really all about?
Imagine what and how would your world look like being happy all the time. How would your life be different if you were happy all the time?
It seems lie all of us want to be happy. In fact in most polls i have read people say that they want peace and happiness more than anything else in the world. The problem is: most of us are looking in the wrong places.
Recent studies have been revealed thanks to a multi disciplinary team of six British specialists who span a variety of disciplines from psychology, psychotherapy to economics who embarked on an unusual social experiment. They took an unusual experiment and the challenge to find out what does it take to make residents of a town happy?
As an entrepreneur as well as having coached over 1000 individuals both on personal and professional level, there are certain steps you must do in order to accomplish your goals so you can have the kind of business and life you have dreamed of having. From managing your own self, relationship to managing a team to handling clients - and everything in between - it can be easy to lose complete control of your day. We all have the same 24 hours available each day; what makes a difference between someone who is living their life and they are successful to someone who is not is only one thing, that is how you chose to use those 24 hours that's makes the difference.
From the point we go to sleep, to wakening up, doing our day to day routine, going to work, meetings, client services, and a To-Do List a mile long are frequent daily tasks in today’s fast pace life and in the world of running a business. The key is find an effective way to handle our daily routine to stay focused and on track to achieve your goals in the shortest amount of time and the least amount of effort.
Here are my 12 Secrets to staying focused and on track to achieving your goals:
I'm writing today to focus your awareness on the source of your actions. Awareness is the state or ability to perceive, to feel, or to be conscious of events, objects, or sensory patterns. In this level of consciousness, sense data can be confirmed by an observer without necessarily implying understanding.
More broadly, it is the state or quality of being aware of something. In biological psychology, awareness is defined as a human's or an animal's perception and cognitive reaction to a condition or event. As human beings, we operate daily reflecting a wide range of emotions with a multitude of motivations fuelling our behaviours.
All too often, we react emotionally to what others say or do. If our reactions are preceded by the emotions of fear, anger, or sadness, we forfeit our ability to act with personal power and effectiveness in lieu of a knee-jerk response. This reaction is all too often sourced in fear and low self-esteem. We may focus on what's wrong with us and our lives or fear being controlled, hurt, or taken advantage of.
If you are like me and love to walk a lot, you will come across London many masked performers, actors and musicians entertaining the crowds. For a moment i closed my eyes and start thinking about what would my life be like if I only had one mask to wear?
I started to send love and admire these lovely people for putting the effort, the energy and the masks needed to making so many passers by smile, happy and enjoy their day, its remarkable dont you think?
Then my thoughts started to wonder, its not only in the streets one wears a mask, we do it in our day to day life the moment we wake up, we do it when we meet people, go to work, be with our partners, friends, family and with ourselves too.
Let me ask you something, have you ever seen someone disguise himself as an statue, your favourite movie character, or as your favourite building?
Take a moment in your day, go in front of a mirror, look at yourself in the eyes and ask yourself the question what mask am i wearing, what does it say about you and the world you live in ?
With St Valentine's day looming, it seems that love is all around us. However when it comes to love, we tend to think about giving it to those around us or to our material goods, rather than to ourselves. We are not taught to love ourselves - quite the opposite, we are taught to compete against each other, and to bring ourselves down.
Here are 12 easy tips to bring some new self-love into your life:
- Commit yourself to your growth: The biggest, boldest and brightest act of self-love you can do this Valentine's is to start your very own personal journey. Make the decision right now to give yourself what you deserve and to be the best version of yourself. Set your intention to give life your best shot, and to achieve your full potential on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level. Commit to learning and growing every single day, with every action, every encounter, every experience. And focus on increasing your awareness and understanding of your body, your mind, your emotions and your behaviours - both past and present.
SPOILER ALERT: The below is a shameless plug written out of love and respect - and is long overdue.
If you had met me just a few years ago, you would have observed a very different person: a quiet, shy, reserved and nervous individual, unsure about himself, his opinions, his wants or his desires. Full of self-doubt, insecurities and fears, he struggled to be authentic around other people. He was unable to deeply connect to his friends, unable to express his love for the people in his life, and unable above all to love himself. Lost and confused, he had spent years jumping from city to city, from club to club, and from job to job in the search of some release, some hope and some fulfillment.
Nowadays, I am settled, grounded, happy and fulfilled. I Love (with a capital L) my work and my businesses, I have great friends to whom I am deeply connected to and who support me in all my endeavors, and I have a fantastic loving relationship with my family. I am able to be my authentic self in all situations, and to express my true desires, wants and opinions.
One person has had a huge impact on my transformation: my great friend, business partner and coach Tony Selimi. Here is our story:
HOW I MET TONY
When I met Tony, I had already began my journey. After a depressing few years, some little voice inside of me had guided me to finally settle down, and to start a work I could enjoy. I met Tony on the gym floor in 2010: he offered me a free healing in return for a PT session. Intrigued, I went along, with little expectations.
Looking back on that first session, I remember how uncomfortable I felt. I felt prodded, nudged and gently wrestled into opening up and talking about myself, my feelings and my emotions. As a British passive aggressive introvert, it was my idea of hell. My ego kicked in with a vengeance: "Who was this man asking so many questions?" "Who did he think he was?" " How dare he make me feel so uncomfortable!" Part of me doubted and distrusted, another part of me was intrigued. But I knew deep down that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
Tony was patient, and gave me the space to slowly feel more and more comfortable. Although part of me was screaming to run away back to my comfort zone, at the end of our session I chose to accompany him to dinner. As we chatted about spirituality, our lives, our dreams and our desires, something in me clicked and I knew that my life was about to take a turn for the better.
After agreeing to provide Tony with some Personal Training in return for more coaching and healing, I left feeling elated, as if something in me had shifted, some hope had returned. There was light at the end of the tunnel.
MY INITIAL RESISTANCE
I would be lying to you if I said that I had jumped head first into my new path. Even though I could catch a glimpse of where I was headed, a big part of me resisted the process. The concepts of energy, of manifestation, of law of attraction etc were all new to me. Years and years of belief in the physical world as the only reality held me back, and it would take me many months before I could fully release my doubts and trust what Tony was talking about.
At the same time, I still held on tightly to my old destructive habits, my old thought patterns, my old conditioning. For over a year, I went through many ups and downs: one day feeling elated and on top of the world, the other back to the grey gloom and doom. I caught a glimpse of the happiness and self-love Tony talked about, and then found myself doubting I had ever experienced it.
In hindsight, these cycles matched the times when I listened and nurtured my inner voice, my truth, and the times when I blocked it out, doubted myself, and forgot my heart. Time after time I returned to see Tony, and at every single session, I opened up a tiny bit more, learnt a bit more about myself, and felt a bit more hopeful.
STEP BY STEP
Little by little, with Tony’s constant, loving yet patient support and understanding I started to see clearer and clearer. I discovered a new awareness of myself, my thoughts and my emotions. I began to understand my past behaviors, my day-to-day feelings and my future desires. And I embarked on a journey of tremendous change that has not stopped since.
The fog slowly started to lift and I saw my life with a whole new perspective. I was able to see how for years I had avoided looking deeper into myself, always scared of what was inside. I was able to see how I had blamed my lack of love on everyone else but myself: my family, my friends, my clients. And I was able to see how much better my life was when I trusted and followed my intuition.
It wasn't always plain sailing, I made many mistakes and put myself into many difficult situations. However Tony always empowered me to turn the situations around, to gain learnings and insights from them, to forgive myself and to move on quickly.
In doing so, I started to trust my instincts, and built a new-found respect and esteem for myself, my desires and my choices. I re-discovered love for life, for those around me and for me - for Will. My resistance dropped, and I became eager to learn more and more about the healing and coaching process, about our minds, our energies, our emotions - and how they all interact.
And as my inner world changed, so did my outer world. I stopped my old destructive habits, and began to nurture the parts of my life that needed me. My business began to take off, I attracted new wonderful friends, and re-connected with my twin, my brothers and my parents. My life slowly began to fall into place.
The job of a good Coach is to allow you to come to your own conclusions, make your own decisions, and choose what is right for yourself. And that is exactly what Tony did. His greatest skill has been to help me believe and trust my instincts to achieve my potential. We are all born great, with unique gifts, talents and personalities - however many of us suppress our true selves and forget our dreams and desires. Drawing on his learnings from many avenues including his own life story, Tony empowered me to push my boundaries, transform my mind and release my inner self.
Tony has a positive energy and a love for life and for others that is contagious. He is a loving, warm and kind man, and keen to help everyone he meets. He has inspired me in many ways to do the same: to inject love into everything I do, everything I see and everyone I meet. He has become one of my closest friends, a trusted companion and a fantastic business partner.
However, if I were to name one of Tony’s top strengths, it would be his integrated and in-depth knowledge of both Coaching AND Healing. Through my own experience, I have realized how important they both are, in conjunction with one another. Any healing of the physical body is far more powerful when one can understand the root of the symptom in their subconscious, and make changes to their mindset through coaching. And coaching is far more powerful with the understanding of energy, vibrations and manifestation.
Tony has been an avid learner for many years, and has done all kind of certifications (each with different initials and abbreviations !). Rather than sticking to one particular school of thought, he happily uses the best bits of each one, and tailors his approach depending on the situation. This integration of the mind and spirit has really opened up my eyes to the world around us, and has helped me transform the way I see my business, my training and my relationships.
Of course, it goes without saying that I would wholeheartedly recommend Tony to anyone. I truly believe that everyone could benefit from a bit of coaching and healing, and that the world would be a better place if we all applied just 10% of what Tony can teach.
START YOUR OWN JOURNEY
For me, Tony has been a fantastic catalyst for change, a great influence in my life, and an astounding friend. Thanks to him I have learnt to love, be loved, to express myself, and to reach for the stars. I have kickstarted an incredible transformation and have found my true self. I feel authentic, fulfilled and content - and so very excited about what the future will bring.
Looking into yourself and committing to your own personal growth is best thing you could ever do. Yes it will require some work. Yes it may be uncomfortable at times. And yes you may have many layers and issues to unravel. But the long-term reward you will get is immense, immeasurable, and most likely impossible to even imagine.
Happiness and fulfillment is inside of you. It may have been locked up by fears, doubts and insecurities - but it is within your grasp. I dare you to go find it.
Will Pike - 30 January 2013
At one time in my life, I had some real challenges with taking action, this was before i was made redundant in 2009, times when the down turn in the economy happened and i like many of you out there was feeling the heat, the pressure, the stress and the need to perform more and more tasks at shorter periods of time. Let me ask you the this question, do you see yourself in this picture?
And, like you probably have, I spent a lot of time looking for different tools, methods, and systems
for helping me overcome those challenges. Then one day I stumbled across an article that described a simple action-taking system called ‘timeboxing
Almost immediately, I knew I had found the solution that I was looking for
, because not only was timeboxing easy to understand and use
, but it totally eliminated the two obstacles to taking action
that we just talked about.
Let me share with you how it works, and you can figure out whether you agree with me or not…
- Write down all the things you want to get done for the day: Everything from writing, creating content, or planning your next project to answering your email and balancing your checkbook.
- Assign a specific time to each task: Anything from 15 minutes to 4 hours.
- Select a task, start a timer (like an egg time), and focus on nothing but accomplishing that task: This means you don’t answer the phone, you don’t get up for a drink, you don’t log onto Facebook – none of that. You remain focused on the task-at-hand!
In other words, each action you need to take during the day represents a small ‘block’ of that day (a box
, if you will). You determine how big of a box it is by how much time you set aside to accomplish it (a single day can consist of anything from just a few, to a dozen boxes). When you’re ready to take action, select a box
, start a timer, and get to work!
That is timeboxing
How does timeboxing eliminate the two obstacles to taking action that we talked about a minute ago? Here’s how:
- It Creates Clarity - Creating a simple, but clear list of things you need to do (getting it out of your head) gives order and stucture to what you need to do – it gives your brain the clarity it needs in order to feel compelled to take massive action
- It Uses Time As A Strong Motivating Force - Assigning each task a specific time and using a countdown timer to work on that task within that timeframe has the same motivating effect as you would experience trying to meet any other time-based deadline – meeting the deadline is compelling, and your brain sees it as a strong reason WHY you should act!
See, I told you it was simple, and that the name fit!
If you practice these three simple steps regularly, it will totally revolutionize the way you get things done in your life
As I began using timeboxing regularly, my science and engineering brain
kicked in, and I began to see how a my integrated coaching and Reiki would enhance its effectiveness and ease of-use
- By Eliminating The Grunt Work - Helping you Create lists of actions, assign time, prioritizing them, tracking which ones you’ve completed, and remembering which ones you need to do regularly are all things that can be handled more efficiently when obstacles occur that i can help you with
- By Giving You Visual Tools To Help You Get A Crystal-Clear Picture Of Your Day - Humans are visual creatures. The clearer we can see something, the more we feel like we can control it. When it comes to planning your day, the clearer you can visualize what you need to do, and how much time it’s going to take, the more easily you can manage it and believe that it can be done! My visual coaching hour does exactly that, help you connect through your third eye and create and maintain vision.
- By Helping You Track How And Where You’re Spending Your Time - One of the most important skills you can have when it comes to getting things done is awareness – knowing exactly how and where you’re spending your time. After all, how can you manage something (like your time) if you aren’t aware of how you’re using it? Once again, working with your Coach makes doing this a breeze!
To see how my integrated coaching can help you in this journey feel free to visitwww.thevelvetjourney.com/coaching
©Tony J Selimi